


Finding the Flash

by 11paruline44



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-05-16 18:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14816964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11paruline44/pseuds/11paruline44
Summary: In a world in which the Wests and the Allens never crossed paths, Iris West has a drunken one-night stand with a stranger and becomes pregnant. After her daughter's birth, Iris has all but given up on the idea of searching for her father until Nora starts exhibiting strange, impossible behavior...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic came from a Tumblr prompt by liquidheartbeats that was so juicy I just couldn't resist! It's semi-AU, but I kept most of the events of the show, with the caveat that all the Flash's exploits and tribulations occurred without Iris and the Wests. I couldn't exactly figure out where to divide what I wrote into chapters, lol, but I tried.

In hindsight, she shouldn’t have let Linda take her out that night. 

“Come _on,_ Iris, you work way too much. You need to lighten up,” she’d said as she stopped by Iris’s desk one day.

Iris had sighed. Linda was a good enough friend, for a coworker, she had thought, but sometimes she could be a bit judgemental. And, Iris had assured herself, she didn’t work hard enough. Iris had just landed this job a year ago, after graduating, and she had considered herself very lucky to work here. “You know my story on the new Secretary of State is due in two days—“

“Which means you have one day free, silly.” Linda had reached out and poked Iris in the nose, causing Iris to shift in her seat to stop herself from recoiling. “We’re going out tonight, and you’re going to be social, and you’re going to like it.”

“Linda, I can’t, not today—“

“Yes, you can.” Linda had persisted until Iris had given in. No matter how many times she replayed that scene in her head, she couldn’t convince herself to say no.  
And so here she was, a single mother after a crazy one-night stand. Sometimes she let herself think it shouldn’t have been her, hard-working, driven Iris. It wasn’t fair. It should have been someone else. But that was spilt milk now, and Iris wouldn’t dream of giving up her infant daughter. 

Iris had realized soon enough, upon Nora’s arrival, that her one-night stand had been a white man, and that was the only thing she knew about him. Sometimes she tried to replay the rest of that day and night in her head, too, but all she could summon were drunken flashes of purple and pink nightclub lights, silhouettes of people’s raised arms on the dance floor, the smell of one too many shots, and—his smile. That’s the only thing she could remember about him. He had a warm, quirky grin like nothing she had ever seen before, and it entranced Iris’s thoughts every time she thought back to that night. Maybe she’d met someone real, someone special. Maybe she didn’t have to have done this alone. But, Iris thought bitterly each time, shaking her head, he had left before she woke up the next morning. And, she convinced herself, she had to let him go, accept that she’d never see him again.

That was before she knew about Nora’s powers. 

There were previous instances in which she should have been suspicious, Iris supposed, like when Nora had waved her baby arms in a fashion that had seemed just a little too fast, or when she’d turned her back on her for what seemed like just one moment and had found her baby sitting happily halfway across the floor. 

But everything changed the day Nora first walked on her own. Correction: she didn’t really walk. She ran.

Iris stood above Nora, holding her tiny hands in her own. She was doing so well with with walking today. Iris smiled down at her daughter. “Wow, good job,” she encouraged.

Nora paused and swiveled her head to face Iris’s, flashing her a toothy grin that made Iris’s heart melt.

“Yes, aren’t you so strong today,” Iris cooed. 

Nora gurgled and looked back down toward her feet. Then, she started to jiggle her little, onesie-covered legs. “Are you ready to take another step?” Iris asked.

Nora just giggled in response. Iris smiled and slowly guided her arms forward. “Come on, put one foot in front of the other,” she coaxed.

Nora seemed to concentrate suddenly upon the ground in front of her. Then, faster than Iris could properly register, her left foot was in front of her. The right one caught up to it, dragging along in a stumpy manner. As Nora kept going, her gait seemed to stabilize, and she took several steps before she suddenly halted. 

Iris beamed. “You did it!” she crowed. Nora did her little happy chuckle and looked back at Iris with that grinning face of hers. Then she turned back towards the ground.

“Do you want to keep going?” Iris asked. She shifted her arms forward again. 

Nora seemed to consider the suggestion. She wiggled her legs again. Then, she took another step. And another. Nora began walking so earnestly that Iris eased her hands out of her grasp to start spotting her, ready to catch her if she fell. “I’m here, baby—“

There was a flash of what seemed to be colored lights, and suddenly Nora was all the way in the kitchen, sitting on the floor, arms waving excitedly.

Iris’s eyes widened and she rushed across the floor to scoop Nora up in her arms. “It’s ok, Mommy’s here,” Iris said, breath short. She stared down at Nora. “What was that, Nora—honey?”

Nora waved her arms towards the ground and started to squall. She wanted to go back down, Iris reasoned. Reason. Iris shook her head. She had to keep some semblance of reason about her—after all, she was a reporter. She dealt only in truth, not fiction. Whatever she had just seen had to have been a figment of her imagination. 

Iris gently lowered Nora back down until she was standing. Nora’s fussing turned back to glee. Sooner than Iris could react, Nora began taking steps again, tore out of Iris’s grasp, and—she was in the living room again, standing and waving her arms together, laughing. Iris stared. The same streaks of what had appeared to be purple and yellow lights had followed her. 

“Nora, honey?” Iris knelt down in the hall space between the kitchen and the living room.

There was a flash of purple and yellow lights again, and Iris’s hair flew back in a gust of wind.

Iris turned behind her to find Nora sitting down in the kitchen as if nothing had happened. 

Iris shook her head in shock. The lights—and the wind—she had felt that before. Twice. When the Flash had streaked by her on the sidewalk.

Nora’s giggles turned to cries. Iris rose up quickly and gathered in her arms. Her baby was tired and needed to be put down for a nap. Iris tried to steady her arms as she lay Nora down in her crib. “Shh, shh,” Iris cooed. She wasn’t sure if she was talking to her baby or to herself. Nora’s wailing quieted, and she looked up at Iris with angelic eyes. Then, she waved her arms. The sudden gust of wind pushed Iris back. 

Iris spun around and closed the door behind her, leaning for a moment on it. The wind, the light—all of this matched only one thing. News reports flashed in Iris’s mind. Witness statements of how the Flash quelled fires by rotating his arms to create gusts of air. And every eyewitness account mentioned streaks of yellow lightning. 

Iris’s fingers trembled. Oh, God, she thought. 

Her one-night stand had been with the Flash.

***

Iris heaved a heavy sigh of relief when she heard the doorbell ring. She practically ran to the door to let Joe West in. 

“Oh, thank God you’re here,” Iris spluttered. “I was beginning to think I’d gone crazy. I mean, metahumans are so rare, especially—you know, and maybe it’s because I didn’t get enough sleep, but I could have sworn—“

Iris’s dad wrapped his hands around her wrists to quiet her and looked her in the eye. “Iris, if you’re sure, I believe you,” he said. “Even if it is what you think it is, it’s going to be ok.”

Iris collapsed into an embrace, feeling a sudden weight in her limbs. She could take a nap leaning on her father right this second, like she used to do when she was little. But she wasn’t little anymore. Iris pulled back and looked into Joe’s eyes. 

“What do I do?” 

Joe heaved a breath and sat down onto the couch, never letting go of Iris’s left hand. Iris sat next to him. For a minute, they sat in silence, contemplating the situation. 

Finally, Joe spoke. “You’re her mother,” he said. “You should do what you think is best for her.”

“I’m no longer enough, Dad,” Iris murmured. “She’s different from me. She has different needs, ones I could never fill because I don’t understand. I don’t know how to keep it under control, to keep her quiet—“ Iris’s arms fell down by her sides in emphasis. “I mean, maybe I can’t even take her to daycare anymore. What if she does... _that_ … in front of people, and they figure it out?” 

Joe raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like you already have some ideas. You want to keep her identity a secret.”

Iris glanced at him. “Well, I mean…”

“No, that’s a good thing,” Joe assured her. “I would, too. Now, what else?”

Iris looked down at her hands, rubbing them together in the manner she always did when she was anxious. “I don’t know. I’m not the right person for this. I wish I could find _him_ —“

“You’re a reporter,” Joe reminded her, voice strong. “If anyone can do it, you can.”

Iris’s head snapped in surprise. “What—“

“If you feel that’s the best course of action, do it,” Joe said. “You have the resources and the skills. I wouldn’t bet against you.” 

Iris’s mind flashed, unbidden, to that memory she kept of his smile. And, right then and there, she made up her mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cue the mad reporter skills, Iris is on a mission!

A few weeks later, Joe found Iris still up at midnight, putting threads on her map of Central City. She was so focused on her work that she didn’t even hear him come in.

“Iris?”

She jumped and almost dropped the pin she was holding. “Oh, thank God, Dad, it’s you.”

Joe chuckled. “You look like you could use some coffee,” he remarked, and handed her her favorite coffee order from Jitters—a Flash. Although today, the reference to the object of her search made her feel a little queasy. Iris took a small sip and discarded it on a side table.

“Uhh, yeah,” Iris responded. “Well, I’ve been trying to figure out the direction and frequency of his appearances, but he’s been everywhere—like, literally everywhere, and no one seems to note the direction in their eyewitness reports, just that the Flash ran past them.”

Joe took a look at her map and lifted his index finger, nodding in its direction. Iris recognized the gesture as a that-doesn’t-quite-match-what-you-just-said signal. She sighed and glanced over her shoulder at her work. “Look, I know there aren’t many threads on the map yet, but that’s because I have to work quietly and not take too many old materials from the office.”

Joe chuckled and shook his head. “As long as you keep going, then.” He sat down on the couch and took a sip of his own coffee. Iris turned back to her work. In the March 3, 2017 issue of the Central City Picture News, a story about an encounter between the Flash and Savitar had produced a couple interviews with eyewitnesses… Iris rummaged through the box of files she had, well, _borrowed_. Finally, she found the transcripts and skimmed through them. Iris grabbed the end of her thread spool and pinned it to the board. Apparently, the first witness had seen the Flash go by her down twenty-third street, and the second one had seen him near the police station. Iris made quick work of her threads, cutting, knotting, and pinning until there were two more yellow streaks on her map. Satisfied, she carefully placed the witness interviews back in the box where she’d taken them out. On to the March 2, 2017 issue…

Joe cleared his throat. Iris snapped her head around to look at him. “Are you going to let me sit on the couch all night, or are you going to let me help?” he admonished.

“Dad, you should get some rest. After all, you did watch Nora today—for which I am _eternally_ grateful—”

“No, no, it’s nothing,” Joe said, gesturing his arms back and forth. “Iris, Cecile and I know how important it is that we keep Nora away from daycare until she’s old enough not to draw attention to herself.”

Iris hung her head. “But it isn’t fair to you. And we can’t keep this up indefinitely.” Nora was running all the time now. Her legs were still stubby and wobbly, but Nora couldn’t be deterred. She’d zoom from one spot in the living room to another, although fortunately, she couldn’t seem to keep it up for extended periods of time or change direction mid-run, and was therefore a little more predictable so Iris could keep up with her.

Joe wrapped Iris in a hug. “It’s ok, sweetie,” he assured her. “We’re all doing the best we can.” Iris pulled away and stared again at her map-in-progress.

This was going to take a while. Iris couldn’t spare one second.

She picked up the March 2, 2017 issue of the Central City Picture News and continued her work.

***

It was a couple of months before Iris first noticed it.

The string on her map had grown thicker and thicker as she worked. Her initial predictions had been correct—the Flash had been spotted all over the city. Iris had yellow streaks of thread everywhere, and each part of the city was so well-traveled she could hardly see through to the road on her map.

Iris was in the middle of logging more newspaper witnesses one evening. More accounts with seemingly random placement on the map. Iris sighed and shoved the interviews back into the latest box she’d commandeered. She turned back to face the mess of string in front of her eyes. It was pointless. She’d never find out anything about where the Flash actually lived this way. Why had she spent so much time on this?

Eyes misty, Iris stormed back into the kitchen and grabbed the container of old Ben & Jerry’s that lived in the back of her freezer. Nothing was working, so she might as well do something that made her happy. Taking angry spoonfuls out of the container, Iris strolled back into the living room.

That was when she noticed it.

Iris nearly dropped her ice cream. She had been standing too close to the board to see, but from this exact corner, the furthest place in the living room from her map, she could see two spots of yellow amidst the tangle, with many strings fanning out from them in all directions like messy circles.

One was the police station. The other was the ruins of S.T.A.R. Labs.

Iris slammed her ice cream down on the kitchen counter and ran up to her board. She grabbed a couple of oversized pins and stuck them on the locations. _Yes, yes, yes,_ Iris thought. She allowed herself a little fist pump and a 90s style dance that she’d never let _anyone_ catch her doing before she grabbed her computer and began searching records.

The police station. S.T.A.R. Labs. The former was only possibly a lead. While she hoped the Flash could secretly be an officer, maybe he went there to search police records and gather information. Which was, Iris thought, just a little illegal, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

The latter was stupefying. S.T.A.R. Labs. No one went there anymore—the place was a defunct wreck. Ever since the particle acceleration explosion, it was as if the building were cursed. There were no employees there, except for when there was a sad attempt at opening a museum, and Iris had thought that a metahuman of all people might have wanted to avoid the place due to… traumatic memories, Iris had supposed. Clearly, she’d been wrong.

Iris did a quick check of the dates on the strings that led to S.T.A.R. Labs. They were at all dates, not just at the time of the museum’s opening, so that left one theory gone. The Flash clearly had either a base of operations there, or used technology there, or something. Iris looked up all the stories she could find, from her own paper as well as others, on S.T.A.R. Labs in the past four years.

Many of them were on Dr. Harrison Wells. Iris shuddered. From the records she had found, Dr. Wells had stayed at the place of his ruin for a year and a half before he passed away in the Singularity. Iris frowned. She hoped he didn’t have anything to do with the Flash—the man gave her the heebie-jeebies. But that Singularity event—it had been centered above S.T.A.R. Labs.

Iris’s eyes widened. S.T.A.R. Labs had always been involved in the strange occurrences in Central City. Why had no one seen it? Iris searched madly for sources on the Singularity, but found nothing that could explain the strange event.

Other connections to S.T.A.R. Labs seemed to be scarce. Aside from the museum’s opening, no one was on record as going in or out of S.T.A.R. Labs after Wells’s death. Iris frowned. Maybe she could research the museum?

Finally, Iris came across sources that mentioned names. Apparently, the people behind the museum attempt were a director named Randolf and former S.T.A.R. Labs scientists Cisco Ramon and Caitlin Snow. Iris pumped her fist in the air. She had possible witnesses! Iris began to create a future plan of action, scribbling notes in her reporter’s notepad. She was going to interview one of the museum people, and then clandestinely take some files at work on S.T.A.R. Labs. Iris smiled as she closed the notebook. Finally, she had leads.

***

Iris knocked on the door of Cisco Ramon the following evening, at dinnertime. Cecile had been able to watch Nora for her, thank goodness. Hopefully, she and Iris's dad wouldn’t have to keep up the constant childcare much longer.

The door opened to reveal a long-haired Hispanic man with a look of mild surprise on his face. He pointed at her slowly with his index finger. “Uh… who are you? I don’t think I recall inviting any guests today. I mean, not that you’re unwelcome here.” Cisco coughed into his elbow and took a furtive glance behind him.

“I’m Iris West, Central City Picture News,” Iris said as warmly and professionally as she could, extending her right arm to shake hands. Cisco took it and shook slowly, brows still furrowed.

“Right, and you’d like to ask me some questions,” he said. “Sorry, but I don’t know what you’d want—”

“The S.T.A.R. Labs museum,” Iris smiled. “I understand you're involved?”

Cisco’s eyes widened. “Oh, right! That. I mean, um… yeah, why don’t you come in. I’ll get you a cup of coffee.” Cisco guided her to a couch and disappeared into his kitchen.

Iris glanced around the apartment. Cisco’s place was moderately tidy, for a single man. Iris found a couple photos that appeared to be family, but nothing that had to do with S.T.A.R. Labs that she could see. Her gaze turned towards the dining room. Were those… candles? And flowers? Iris frowned. It looked like she’d interrupted a date.

Cisco came back into the room with two steaming mugs. “I already boiled the water, so it didn’t take long,” he explained. “I mean, I was just about to get a cup myself, so it wasn’t any trouble.”

Iris set her mug down on the coffee table and looked him in the eye. “Mr. Ramon, if you’re expecting company, I can leave—”

“No, I’m… not. It’s ok,” Cisco said, shaking his head. He clapped his hands and sat down next to her on the couch. “Well, if you have any questions for me, why don’t we get them over with.”

He was hiding something, Iris noted. Besides the false enthusiasm, he looked like he really was expecting company, but he didn’t want her to know, for some unknown reason. Perhaps he had a secret relationship that he didn’t want on the public record? Iris took mental notes of his behavior, whipped out her notepad, and began her official questions.

“Mr. Ramon, the S.T.A.R. Labs museum has recently been called a failed effort. How would you respond to that?”

“Well, I’d say that’s, uh, a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think,” Cisco said, punctuating his response with a bit of nervous laughter. “We’re still… you could say… up and running.” He took a sip of his coffee and gagged. “Ow,” he said, waving his hand in front of his tongue. Iris bit back a smile. Even if he was shifty, he wasn't unpleasant. In fact, she found him rather amusing.

“What have your recent activities at S.T.A.R. Labs consisted of?” Iris inquired.

Cisco swallowed. “Ahh, nothing much,” he said. “I mean…” he glanced down at his coffee. “Why don’t I get back to you on that while I add some more milk to this coffee.” Cisco whisked his mug off the table and returned to the kitchen.

Iris frowned. Cisco wasn’t prepared to talk about his work, either. There was something very off about this interview. Which meant, Iris hoped, Cisco knew something about the Flash. But she needed a little more evidence for her taste, as she’d barely gotten any responses at all.

“Alright.” Cisco announced his arrival back in the room. “That should be better.” Iris observed that his smile appeared rather sarcastic. “So, the S.T.A.R. Labs museum is focusing a bit more on renovations and technological exhibits right now,” Cisco elaborated. “We’re thinking of some more science museum-type stuff to attract some more visitors. Yeah, it’s going to be hella cool, like this experiment on sound my buddy Hartley and I have been doing—”

“Can you give me his full name, please,” Iris said.

“Um, yeah,” Cisco said. “Uh, Hartley Rathaway. He’s another… S.T.A.R Labs scientist who wanted to work on the museum.”

Iris’s brow arched. “There appears to be more ex-scientists working on the museum than docents.”

“Well, that’s, uh, because we really missed working there after the particle accelerator exploded… and no one knows S.T.A.R. labs like we do. Did.” Cisco looked at his lap, smile gone. Iris figured he was telling the truth and really did miss his old job.

“Well, I’m wondering if there’s someone I could talk to besides the people coordinating the science exhibits, like director… Randolf? I can’t seem to find an address.”

Cisco glanced up at Iris as if in confusion. Then, seeming to recognize the name, he shook his head. “Uh, Mr. Randolf took a little… vacation. The best person to talk to would probably be, uh, Hartley. Yeah. He’d know more than I would.” The nervous laughter made a reappearance. Iris made a show of scribbling on her notepad. Cisco definitely was lying this time. He didn’t even seem to recognize the name Randolf, and was shifting responsibility onto someone else. Iris thought through her next move carefully.

“Do you know anything about the Flash, Mr. Ramon?” Iris fixed Cisco in the eye with a sudden stare. Cisco’s smile faded. For a beat, he looked almost scared. Then he made a face and shrugged. “No, I don’t know anything about the Flash—what article exactly are you interviewing me for? ‘Cause it seems like you got your notes mixed up or something.” Cisco grabbed his coffee and stood up. “Well, it seems to me like it’s getting late. Yeah. So, uh, I hope you got all the information you needed—” he began ushering Iris out the door—”yeah, and, uh, have a good night.” The door closed behind Iris, leaving her, still holding her coffee mug, a little dazed on the front stoop. Iris raised her eyebrows. She was right. Cisco Ramon was definitely connected to the Flash.

Iris shook her head and knelt to leave her coffee mug on the stoop. Then, for a moment, she thought she heard Cisco’s voice through the door.

“Cynthia?” he shouted. “I think we have a problem.”

Iris took that as her cue to leave.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sleuthing intensifies*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went more in depth about Iris's process of deduction than I expected, so I hope this doesn't get too dull or... idk. So, yeah

Iris sat on the couch with her dad, watching Nora play with her favorite toy—a colorful array of movable shapes on metal tracks. She was currently engrossed in pushing a funny-looking arrangement of triangular shapes down a squiggly loop. Meaning she was quiet, at least for a moment, so Iris had a little time to breathe. 

“So,” Iris said, pressing her hands together in enthusiasm, “I got a lead.”

Joe leaned forward. “Really. Congratulations, Iris, that’s great.”

“The S.T.A.R. Labs scientists. They know something.”

“Wait, S.T.A.R Labs?” Joe looked incredulous.

“Look.” Iris paced over to her map. “There are two points of convergence on the map. One is the police station—” at that, Joe looked surprised, Iris noted— ”and the other is the old S.T.A.R. Labs building.” Iris turned back to Joe. “See?”

Joe blinked. “The police station,” he repeated, reclining back into the couch. “And S.T.A.R. Labs.”

Iris nodded.

Joe frowned. “I know we had a metahuman task force that briefly utilized the Flash’s help.”

“These dates are from all four years after the particle acceleration explosion, though,” Iris said. “It couldn’t have been just that.”

“Then I don’t know what—” Joe scratched his head. “Maybe he’s been going through our evidence.”

Iris nodded. “That’s what I thought. So, I looked more into S.T.A.R Labs, since that seemed to be the narrower field of possible people. I mean, no one goes there anymore.”

“Exactly.” Joe jabbed his finger in Iris’s direction. “That’s my daughter,” he praised, beaming.

Iris grinned and turned back to her board. “I did some more research on the museum they tried to open up there. It hasn’t been very well run, and the only current organizers I could find were ex-S.T.A.R. Labs scientists—” Iris fished out the photos she’d printed of them and pinned them up as she spoke—”Caitlin Snow, Cisco Ramon, and Hartley Rathaway.” 

Suddenly, there was a tumbling noise, and Nora let out an ear-splitting screech. Iris ran to her side, but Nora only laughed. She’d pushed her toy over on purpose, Iris realized with relief. That had been a cry of glee. Iris righted the toy and shook her head. She thought she would have figured out the difference between Nora’s happy noises and sad noises by now. 

Iris sat back on the couch next to Joe, keeping a closer eye on Nora this time. “I interviewed one of the scientists, Cisco Ramon, and throughout the whole interview, he was shifty. When I asked him if he knew anything about the Flash, he positively panicked.”

Joe raised an eyebrow. “Looks like you have a suspect.”

Iris sighed. “Except, I know for certain the Flash is a white man.”

“Did you DNA test that?”

Iris gave her dad a playful slap. “Dad, you know I can’t test Nora’s DNA, they’ll figure out she’s a meta. And plus, there have been eyewitness accounts—”

“I know, I know,” Joe grinned. 

“So, anyway,” Iris continued, “all these scientists make me think that there’s more going on at S.T.A.R. Labs than just a museum. Since it’s empty, I think it would make for a good base of operations, but I don’t think it’s the Flash’s alone. I think the scientists work with him, like a team, and the museum is only a cover. I mean, there have been eyewitness accounts of the Flash using strange gadgets to stop criminals before. Maybe the scientists made them.”

“That’s a lot of assumptions,” Joe started cautiously.

“I know, I know, but I swear, that Cisco had something to do with the Flash. I know it.”

Joe shifted to rest his elbow on his knee. “What exactly did this Cisco do during your interview to make you so suspicious?”

Iris eyed Nora. She was still happily pushing the shapes around. “Well, for one, I think I interrupted a date between him and a girl named Cynthia, but for some reason, he denied that he was expecting company. I heard him call to her as I left, so maybe she was hiding, or something?” Iris shook her head. “It didn’t make too much sense. I looked up her name to see if it matched any of the ex-S.T.A.R. Labs scientists, but I found nothing.”

“What else?”

“He was really ill-prepared for my questions. Like, it was almost as if he’d forgotten that the museum existed. He even left the room after I asked a question once, and he only seemed to have an answer once he came back.”

“Okay, that’s definitely suspicious, I’ll give you that. If he acted like that during a police questioning—“ Joe shook his head. “But if the guy was so dodgy, why would he be on the Flash’s side?” 

“Because he seemed kind of… nice. Like, if I hadn’t been interviewing him on subjects that definitely made him uncomfortable, we could have had a good conversation.” 

“There are plenty of criminals who may seem nice, but—“

“Come on, Dad, trust me, he’s not a criminal.”

Joe put his hands up in the air in an okay-I’ll-let-you-have-your-way manner. “Alright, so, say your theory is correct. Cisco Ramon and his scientist partners use S.T.A.R. Labs to help the Flash fight the bad guys. The question then is,” Joe looked his daughter in the eye, “who is the Flash?”

Iris watched Nora closely as she took another bead, this one pear-shaped, and slid it down a boomerang-like track. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “But,” she said, gesturing towards a new stack of files she’d laid next to her map display, “I think these will help.”

***

As she’d feared, the majority of the S.T.A.R. Labs information and articles in the S.T.A.R. Labs file had to do with Dr. Harrison Wells.

Iris sighed, flopping on the couch, and began the first article on Dr. Wells following the particle accelerator explosion. Insincere-seeming apologies, that creepy smile. Iris didn’t find any names or leads that she could research. She sighed and moved on to the next article. And the next article. The more she read about Harrison Wells, the more creeped-out she became. 

Finally, she came across a tidbit that interested her. At one point, Wells, along with Cisco Ramon and Caitlin Snow, had partnered with the police to help them fight metahumans with some special gadgets. The scientists had been close with Wells. Iris frowned. Had he had been part of Team Flash?

But that should have been impossible, considering—

Ah, yes. The first article about Wells after his death. Which had uncovered, through his will, a stupefying confession that he had been the true culprit in a high-profile murder case. 

Why would a murderer be part of Team Flash?

And, more importantly, why had he confessed? 

As she read more, Iris was even more stunned by the revelation that Dr. Wells had left S.T.A.R. Labs to the very person he’d likely hurt the most. Barry Allen, son of Nora Allen, who he’d killed fifteen years before. Was that possibly…remorse?

Iris chewed on her thumbnail in thought, before realizing what she was doing and wringing her hand in disgust. 

Barry Allen. That was another name, one she could research for connections.

Iris grabbed her computer to do a quick Google search. Apparently, Barry Allen was now a forensic scientist for the CCPD. He’d briefly been convicted of murder, before being proved innocent and released. Like father, like son, Iris noted. He hadn’t really done anything with S.T.A.R. Labs since he’d miraculously acquired it—at least, not according to the Internet. Iris paused to search through the files she’d brought to see if she could find more. There were even more articles about Harrison Wells she hadn’t read yet. Iris skimmed each for Barry Allen’s name, but only found redundant information. Iris felt herself growing frustrated. He owned S.T.A.R. Labs. There had to be a connection there—surely he knew something about what was going on in his own building?

Finally, after Iris had exhausted everything in the file, she found a note sheet in another reporter’s scrawled hand. It was about Dr. Wells, of course, but… Iris squinted to make out the cursive. She read:

Wells’s gift to Barry Allen—why?  
guilt over mother’s murder  
Allen recovered from coma at star labs—Wells knew Allen personally?

Iris’s brow furrowed. Barry Allen had received medical care from S.T.A.R. Labs and Harrison Wells? She whirled to her computer and conducted another search.

Barry Allen had been struck by lightning on the same night as the particle accelerator explosion and had fallen into a coma for nine months. Hospitals had struggled to revive him, noting curious medical circumstances. He’d then been transferred to S.T.A.R. Labs, where he’d eventually recovered.

Iris’s heart skipped a beat. The night of the particle accelerator explosion. Curious circumstances. She cross-referenced the date he’d woken up with the first recorded appearance of the Flash. 

There was only a three days’ difference in time. 

Iris’s hands flew to her mouth. _Omigod,_ her brain screamed.

She couldn’t, she shouldn’t be sure, but—

Barry Allen.

She’d found the Flash.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris reached the goal she’d been consumed with. Now what?

Iris heard Nora squalling and nearly jumped out of her skin.

Nora, to Iris’s eternal gratitude, was a heavy sleeper, but she tended to wake up at the first crack of dawn. Iris rose and parted the curtains. It was indeed dawn, she discovered, which meant she had now officially been up all night.

Iris plodded towards the bedroom, her mind still racing. She’d found the Flash. Iris couldn’t prove it, but the more she researched, the more sure she became.

Iris went through her morning routine with Nora in a state of complete distraction. She almost threw Nora’s clean diaper, instead of her dirty one, in the trash. She nearly forgot to cut Nora’s food into tiny bites that the toddler could chew. And Iris was especially glad she’d caught herself before she poured her coffee into Nora’s bottle. At the end of breakfast, Nora, as if scolding her mother, gave her a sharp, extended stare. Iris guessed she deserved it. “I’m sorry, sweetie,” she murmured. 

She just couldn’t stop thinking about her discovery. Iris’s fingers itched for her computer, but she made herself get ready for work instead. Iris’s mind still refused to quit, and over the course of the morning, she started making a mental list of the evidence she’d found.

One of the spots on the map that the Flash frequented was the police station. Barry Allen worked for the CCPD. It made total sense that one of the Flash’s most frequented places would be his day job. That raised questions about why Barry’s personal residence wasn’t an area with as much Flash traffic on the map, of course, but Iris discovered he’d moved several times during the period the Flash had been active. Each place had been frequented significantly. Iris had even checked the dates on the threads. The dates on the map matched the dates Barry had lived in each apartment. 

Barry’s lightning accident fit every description of the origin of metahuman abilities she’d been able to find. Articles about metahuman after metahuman, most of which the Flash himself had defeated, had described their powers as originating the night of the particle accelerator explosion. Most had been in specific places that corresponded with the subsequent powers they’d gained. A pair of brothers caught in a storm had become masters of the weather. A man in the process of being executed had absorbed the power to kill with the very poison he’d been subjected to. Barry’s accident had been the night of the particle accelerator explosion, and he’d been struck by lightning. As Iris observed super-speed in her own daughter, she could only describe the lights that enveloped her as she moved as… lightning. That couldn’t be a coincidence.

And, when Barry had awoken from his coma, it had been at S.T.A.R. Labs. That was the second place on the map the Flash frequented. Iris supposed that the scientists at S.T.A.R. Labs, as they had been overseeing his medical condition, could have found out about his new abilities. Therefore, there was a plausible connection between Barry and Iris’s theory about the Flash’s team. Iris had even stalked her persons of interest on social media, and had found pictures of Barry with Cisco Ramon and Caitlin Snow, confirming the scientists knew him. And, since Cisco Ramon had unwittingly linked himself to the Flash, Iris had even more evidence to support the idea of the team. 

Iris heard a knock on the door just as she finished putting on her office clothes. She opened to find just who she’d been expecting, her father, arriving to watch Nora.

“I found the Flash,” Iris said in a sing-song voice as she shouldered her work bag.

Joe’s eyes bulged. “You _what_ —”

“Can’t talk, gotta go.” Iris grinned as she shut the door behind her. She paused for a moment on the stoop and gazed up at the sunshine in the sky. Her hand—heck, maybe even her whole body—was trembling, she realized. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was the coffee, maybe it was simply sheer excitement. Iris didn’t care. She tossed her hair behind her and set off for work.

***

“You’re sure.”

“Certain.” Iris was on the floor of the living room, playing with Nora. The toddler seemed to enjoy wandering around the living room, grabbing various toys, and then flashing up to Iris with them in hand, as if bearing her mother gifts. Very rapid-fire gifts, Iris noted.

“You’re absolutely sure.” Joe sounded dumbfounded.

“Dad, it makes so much sense,” Iris started, before Nora suddenly appeared in front of her, holding a slightly slimy rubber ring toy. “Ooh, thank you,” Iris cooed. Nora flashed away. “There hasn’t been a single piece of evidence that doesn’t fit.”

“And you’re sure that’s not because your theory is so unsubstantiated in the first place? I mean, Iris, we need to be 100 percent sure before we go upend this man’s life—“

Iris sobered. She hadn’t thought through enough what _he_ might feel about all this, she admitted to herself. Having a child—it was a big, life-changing event.

And, she hadn’t really thought through what she was going to do when she actually met him. Iris had spent months focused on her goal, and now she had it. But what if it went wrong? What if he didn’t want anything to do with her or Nora?

Nora flashed in front of Iris and shoved a board book in her hand. “Mama,” Nora babbled. Iris beamed. “That’s right! I’m Mama,” she reiterated, pointing to herself, “and you’re Nora.” Nora gurgled and clapped her hands. “Yaaaay!” Iris cheered. Nora sped away. Iris watched her. She couldn’t imagine anyone rejecting such a precious creature. 

Iris took in a shaky breath and rose. “Here, let me show you the evidence. One more time.” Iris strode over to her board and went through her list. After a couple of points of contention, and some adorable interruptions by Nora, her dad finally agreed.

“Alright,” Joe conceded, making his hands-up gesture again. “Barry Allen is the Flash.” Joe’s smile faded. “But Iris, what now?” He gave her a pointed, but not uncomfortable, look.

Iris fiddled with her hands. “I mean, I guess it’s time to go and meet him.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

Iris watched Nora play. For a moment, she felt so full of love for her that she couldn’t imagine sharing her with anyone else. Nora was hers, lest anyone forget, and no one could separate her from her daughter. 

But just the slightest possibility of someone else, someone who could care for Nora in the ways Iris knew she couldn’t….And Iris knew, deep down in some stubborn, irrational part of her soul, that she had to meet him. Something made her feel so certain that it was right, not just for her daughter, but for Iris herself. That tantalizing memory of his smile…

Iris nodded. “I’m doing it. Tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of felt like I didn’t give enough evidence last chapter to support the idea that Iris could have figured it all out, so I tried to explain that a little here... sorry! I promise, though, sh*t will go down. Soon. Trust me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris goes for it.

Iris pushed Nora’s stroller down the street. Nora was thankfully quiet now, but it had been hard to get her to accept the idea of being strapped down instead of going on her own two feet. She rarely left Iris’s apartment anymore due to recent...developments, so she wasn’t used to the stroller. Iris had to keep Nora from running, though, so the stroller it was.

Iris shivered. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the unusually cold night or because of her nerves. She’d been so happy and excited this morning, but now, she had to will herself to keep going.

_Come on. You know you’ve been dying to meet him,_ she told herself. But, Iris contemplated, she didn’t quite know who the person she was going to see truly was.

It was like many pieces of a puzzle, floating around in her mind, that had yet to come together to form a concrete picture. There was the identity of the man, Barry Allen, which she’d studied again, just-in-case, before she left. Forensic scientist. Victim of a tragedy that left his mother dead and his father unjustly incarcerated. Struck by lightning and comatose for nine months. Barry’s life didn’t sound too fun, Iris observed with a twinge of sadness. 

Then there was the Flash, the mysterious hero that zipped around town and saved the day. Iris couldn’t help but look up to him, like so many in Central City did, but there was something so insubstantial and secretive about the idea of him. The Flash tended to avoid the press. Many times, Central City Picture News had been in a tizzy trying to decipher just what he was up to. And there had been times he’d failed. Times the city had turned on him. That couldn’t have been easy, either.

Both identities felt so detached, impersonal. No matter how hard she tried, Iris couldn’t reconcile them with the memory of the man she’d met that night. Whenever she thought of his smile, she felt a sense of… hope. Joy. A zest for life. But could she be so sure about a memory so brief and hazy?

Iris shook her head and kept walking.

Finally, Iris found herself at his door. She took a deep breath. “Nora, we’re here,” she whispered. Nora didn’t really pay her any attention, as she was quite busy sucking her thumb. 

Iris took another breath, silently wishing she could stop the nerves fluttering inside her. She’d never liked the feeling of not being in control, but here she was, taking the biggest leap of faith of her life. Iris swallowed and raised her hand to the door, setting off another lurch of tension in her stomach. Pausing, she steadied herself. Then, she knocked.

For a couple of heart-pounding moments, there was no response. Then, the knob turned, and the door opened.

Iris stared. Yet again, another piece of Barry Allen didn’t seem to fit right in her mind, as the man in front of her was not at all what she’d been expecting. The first thing she noticed was how young he seemed. Perhaps it was his actual age, perhaps the youthful shape of his face, but he looked like…like he couldn’t possibly have been through all she knew he had. Until she caught his eyes. They were shaped in a manner that lent easily to smiling, yet there was a heavy, soulful quality about them, like they’d seen the worst the world had to offer and could never fully recover. 

“Um, hello?” he said.

Iris almost jolted and tore her eyes away. _Oh, God._ Iris knew what she had to say. It was time to say it. She tried to swallow, but her mouth was too dry.

Iris gripped Nora’s stroller to steady herself. “Hi, I’m Iris,” she started. She forced herself to make eye contact again. “And… I think you might be the father of my child.”  
Iris’s nerves exploded as she waited for a response. Barry’s face twisted into shock—of what sort, good or bad, Iris couldn’t tell. For a long couple of moments, he seemed frozen. Finally, Barry stepped back, eyes darting to the side. “Uh… I think you’d better come in.”

As Barry moved aside to let her in, Iris surveyed his apartment. At first glance, it seemed rather appealing, but also empty, as if he’d never fully unpacked. Iris couldn’t spot many items inside beside the furniture, which were in various earth-toned shades. She took a couple of cautious steps forward and stopped, gripping Nora’s stroller again to stop herself from fidgeting.

Barry’s figure came back into her field of view. Iris snapped her head to look at him, realizing she’d been staring off into space. “You can sit down, you know,” he said. Iris did so. Barry ran his hand through his hair a couple of times and sat on the couch himself, leaving a respectful distance from her. He leaned forward and stared at the distance, hands clasped. 

They were silent for a moment. _Go on,_ Iris’s brain pestered her. Swallowing again, Iris tried to figure out where to start.

“I had a one-night stand, about a year and a half ago,” she said. Her voice seemed to dissipate into the air as the words left her mouth. “I was too drunk to remember anything. A month later, I realized I was pregnant.” Iris stole a glance at Barry. He hadn’t changed his pose much, except his knee was bouncing up and down. Iris’s nerves jumped again, and she quickly looked back at her lap. “I…”

She couldn’t explain how she’d found him without getting the bombshell out of the way, Iris realized. She stood and walked to Nora’s stroller. “I—I need to show you something.”

Iris unstrapped Nora and released her on the ground. For a couple of moments, Nora tottered around, sucking her thumb, in a completely ordinary fashion. Iris gritted her teeth. _The one time I need her to show off, she acts normally?_ Iris thought.

Then, there was a flash of light, and Nora was on the other side of the room. Barry rose immediately, gripping the armrest of the couch. Iris watched him. He looked...terrified.

Barry turned to her. He opened his mouth as if to protest, but nothing came out. He ran his hand through his hair again. That was most likely his nervous tic, Iris noted.

Iris fixed him in the eye. “I know,” she said.

Barry slowly lifted a finger to point at himself. “Wha—”

Iris swallowed. “I know you’re the Flash.”

There was a pause. Barry looked for a moment like he was going to argue, but instead, he flopped down on the couch, as if too worn out to try. Iris followed suit, perching on her end of the couch as slowly as possible. Somehow, she felt like any small movement would disturb him.

Suddenly, Nora appeared in front of Barry and latched on to his shoelace. For a moment, Barry hesitated, risking a glance in Iris’s direction. Then he bent over to Nora’s level. “Hi,” he said. Nora dropped the shoelace and giggled. 

Barry turned towards Iris. “Can I?” he asked softly. She nodded, suddenly unable to breathe. Barry scooped Nora up—with a gentle touch, Iris noted—and placed her on his lap. 

Nora stared at him, mouth open. She was surveying him, Iris realized, since he was an unfamiliar person. Then, without warning, she started waving her arms—just a little too fast. Barry was knocked back by the sudden gust of wind, making him blink and splutter. Righting himself, he looked back at Nora. “Hey, you,” he chuckled. He tapped one of Nora’s arms. “You’ve got to watch what you’re doing with those.”

Iris blinked, suddenly aware that her eyes were filling with tears. That was it, she realized. That was the smile from her memories. It was even more beautiful in person.

In that moment, Iris knew she had made the right choice.

Iris sidled over next to the others. “Be nice, Nora,” she scolded, sweeping one of Nora’s stray hairs back into place.

“Nora,” Barry repeated. The smile faded as he met Iris’s eyes. “That was my mother’s name.”

“I know,” Iris said. It took Barry’s mildly confused expression for her to realize she had to explain herself. “I mean,” she cleared her throat, “I’m a reporter. I… uh… kind of did my research.”

Barry gave her a cautious glance. “Is that how…”

“Um, yeah.” Iris avoided his gaze. “Uh, don’t worry, it took me a while.”

“To figure out?”

“To figure out.”

Barry’s knee started jittering again, and Nora took exception to being jostled, starting to fuss. Barry stopped and gave Iris a helpless look. “Oh, I’m sorry. I, uh—”

“No, it’s alright, she just wants to be put back down.” Iris picked Nora up and placed her, standing, back on the ground. In a moment, she was flashing about again. Iris sat back and watched her go. Barry was watching, too, with a look of intense fascination written on his features. 

He turned to glance at Iris. “You’re not going to tell anyone, right?” His face told Iris he was pleading. 

“No, of course not,” Iris assured him.

“And you didn’t tell anyone about—about Nora?”

“No. Well, that’s not—I mean, I told my dad and his wife.” Noticing Barry’s alarm, Iris swiftly added, “Relax, they’d never tell a soul.”

Barry nodded and shifted his gaze back to Nora. After a pause, he murmured, “No one’s really found out before. We’ve—I’ve gone through so much effort to keep the secret safe, and now—I don’t feel horrible like I told myself I would. I feel relief.” He gave her a sideways glance and sighed, shifting his position. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”

Iris began to place her arm around Barry’s shoulder, then stopped herself and retracted her hand. “I don’t imagine it’s easy, what you do.” He met her eyes, blue locked on black. Iris averted his gaze quickly and gave a mirthless chuckle. “I mean, I can’t imagine anyone being able to do it.” 

Barry paused, then took his elbows off his knees and sat up straighter. “When did… Nora start to run?”

“It was as soon as she first learned to walk on her own.” Iris smiled at the memory. “She couldn’t wait any longer. Ever since, she’s had itchy feet.”

The corner of Barry’s mouth turned upward. “She’s impressive. She’s gotten it figured out better than I did—after…” Barry gulped. “Sorry, I’m not really used to someone—you…” He seemed to decide something. “Here.” Before Iris could even register, Barry had disappeared and reappeared with two glasses. “Do you want any lemonade?”

Iris gave a startled laugh. “Just like that, huh?” She shook her head and accepted the glass.

“Well, I, uh, thought I’d feel better if I got that out of the way. Made it official, I guess. By showing you.”

He was starting to perk up, Iris observed. Some semblance of that quirky grin was coming back. Iris suddenly felt like she needed to preserve it as long as she possibly could. “Well, color me impressed.” 

Barry took a sip of his lemonade. “Ah, no, it’s, uh—“

“That is not nothing, that is amazing,” Iris interrupted. Barry closed his mouth and opened it again. “Oh, come on, give yourself a little credit. You’re the Flash. You can do things other people could never dream of.”

Barry’s smile faded. _Crap,_ Iris thought. _What did I do?_

Barry tilted his glass to swirl around the ice cube in his drink. “Yeah, I guess,” he said. He bowed his head. 

Iris placed her hand over his before she could stop herself. “What is it?” 

Barry opened his mouth to answer, then suddenly was in the kitchen, squatting in front of Nora. Iris whipped her head to follow. “That is definitely not for you,” Barry said, gently taking a round bead out of Nora’s hand. Eyes widening, Iris jumped from her seat and rushed to Nora’s side. “Oh, honey,” she chided, checking Nora’s grabby fingers for more hazards. Finding nothing, Iris nodded a quick thank you to Barry before giving Nora a hug. “You scared me, sweet pea.”

Nora squirmed and babbled, reaching behind Iris. Iris looked behind her to see Barry, still crouching on the ground, a concerned look on his face. Iris turned back to Nora.

“You want to see your daddy?” she asked in a hushed tone. Nora only squalled in response. 

Iris set Nora down, and she immediately began flashing all around Barry. His look of worry shifted to one of confusion. Nora then reappeared in front of him, laughing and looking at him… perhaps expectantly. 

Iris chucked. “She saw you… use your powers.” Barry looked at her. “I think she wants to run with you.” 

Barry turned back to Nora. She laughed and flashed away, but this time, so did he. When Iris found them on the other side of the kitchen near the refrigerator, Nora was in his arms, giggling. “Oh, I suppose you thought you could get away, huh?” Barry teased. The next thing Iris knew, the kitchen was a blur of orangish yellow. Awe-struck, she began to back out of the kitchen. The lights were unexpectedly beautiful to watch. She hadn’t gotten a sustained look at them like this before, and they truly did appear like lighting, only a sort that rippled, almost like water. She felt like she could almost reach out and grab an tendril of light and keep it as her own.

There was a whoosh, a gust of wind, and Barry and Nora were suddenly on the couch, both laughing. “Well, that’s the official kitchen tour,” Barry said. “Did you like it?”

Nora giggled. “Again.”

Iris rolled her eyes and walked over. “One of the few words she knows,” she sighed.

Barry looked up at her. “What else can she say?”

“Let’s see… ‘Mama’ was the first, followed by ‘hi’… and, for reasons I can’t figure out, ‘duck.’"

He cracked another smile and stroked Nora’s hair. “You’re a smart one, aren’t you.” Barry looked back at Iris. Their eyes met, before both looked away this time. Iris swallowed and wondered why she couldn’t seem to make eye contact with him. 

“Yeah, she’s… something. She likes to show off a little. Dad and Cecile swear she recognizes new words every day.”

Barry chuckled, before frowning. “Do you live with your dad?” 

Iris felt slightly taken aback by the question. “Um, no, no, um, they’ve been taking care of her ever since…” Iris realized she needed to be delicate. “They’ve chosen to help watch the baby.”

Barry’s stare didn’t let up. “None of you can afford the time, and you can’t take her to daycare, can you.” He swiftly put Nora down and strode over to Iris. “Iris… I’m so sorry. I should—I should help.”

Iris. There was something pleasant about the way he said her name, something unique. It made her feel like she was the only one in the world that he was thinking about.

Iris clasped her hands together to keep them from fidgeting and cleared her throat. “Um, yeah. Uh, to be honest...that was one of the reasons I wanted to find you.”

Barry ran his hand through his hair and turned to start pacing. “Man, I should have thought of that. I—um, I mean, I have work… and certain… unpredictable commitments…” He stopped suddenly and sat on the couch, hand still in his hair. “Oh God, what if they find her,” he mumbled.

“Who?” Iris asked, pulse jumping. 

“Iris—“ Barry met her gaze. This time, Iris couldn’t tear herself away. His eyes were filled with so much emotion—grief, fear, desperation—that she couldn’t even move. She’d underestimated his demons. “There are too many people who want to hurt me, who’d want to hurt her. It’s not fair for me to drag you into that. I can’t ask you to—” Barry suddenly gripped her shoulder and began steering her towards the door. “You might have even put yourself in danger just by coming here.”

Iris wrenched free and fixed him with her best Mama Bear glare, which was slightly hard to do because he was taller than she’d realized. “Hey, you can’t just push me away like that. I can protect myself, and my daughter, too.”

“What if—“

“What if, what? There’s always danger, Barry, it’s a part of living.”

He broke his gaze suddenly and strode back into the apartment. Iris, if she had known him better, might have even guessed that he was about to cry. 

Iris took a cautious step forward. “I get it. You’re a hero. Your m.o. is saving people. And sometimes, you can’t get to everyone in time. Even you.” Barry paused and stood, his back facing her. Iris continued. “But you can’t give up because of that. Nobody can save everyone. And you do everything you can. That’s all you can ask. That’s all anyone has a right to ask from you.” Iris paused, waiting.

Presently, Barry murmured, “I can’t lose you now that I’ve found you again.”

Iris caught her breath. What if he remembered her from that night, too, just like she’d remembered him? 

He took a deep breath. “When I woke up and saw you, you were lying on your side, your hair was curled around your face, and—you just looked so peaceful, lying there. You were so beautiful. I couldn’t do it to you—I couldn’t let you get involved in my life and get hurt. I couldn’t let it happen again.”

Iris closed her eyes, letting his words sink in, and opened them again. “You left me,” she whispered. “You left on purpose.” 

Barry finally turned in her direction. “Iris, I was trying to protect you.” 

“You think I care?” Iris suddenly choked. “You left me all alone. Alone and with child and with no memory but a trace of a smile—“

Iris’s flash of anger vanished when she looked back at his face. Each word she spoke seemed to penetrate into his mind, seemed to punctuate even further what was written on his features. He was even more alone than Iris. Perhaps more alone than anyone on the planet. 

Iris looked down at her feet, tears escaping through her lashes. “Please,” she whispered. “You have to let someone in.”

Barry didn’t move. 

Iris swallowed and silently grabbed Nora, strapped her into her stroller, and walked out the door. She didn’t look back, even though she was tempted, but she couldn't stop herself from picturing him still standing there, frozen, the ocean of hurt still written on his features.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, God, that took a turn I wasn't expecting to write, so I'm sorry... but I guess it makes sense, now that I think about it. Barry has a habit of closing himself off when he's hurting, and I thought he definitely would be if he survived this long without Iris. Idk if you guys have some other thoughts?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris gets some unexpected visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you can't tell, I freaking love Cisco Ramon.

A couple of days later, Iris received a knock on the door.

Iris heaved a sigh. _It’s probably not who you think. Just calm down and answer it,_ she told herself. After making sure Nora was safely out of sight in the bedroom, Iris trudged over to the door and opened it to find two people she hadn’t been expecting at all. Iris did a double take. She was sure she recognized these faces…

“Hi,” a primly-dressed woman with mousy brown hair greeted her, extending her hand. “I’m Dr. Caitlin Snow. And this—” she said, gesturing towards the man beside her, “is Cisco Ramon.”

“Oh, from S.T.A.R. Labs,” Iris said, finally remembering. She glanced at Cisco and made a small gesture in his direction. “We’ve met before.”

“Mm-hmm, how could I forget,” Cisco grumbled.

Iris looked down for a moment, cleared her throat, and then re-established eye contact with Caitlin, since she seemed to be in a better mood. “Well, why don’t you come in?” She waved them into her apartment and guided them to her couch.

“You have a lovely place,” Caitlin smiled as she sat down.

“Thanks,” Iris murmured. She wondered if it was because she’d cleaned house recently, eyeing the empty place on the wall where her messy map display had been. “Can I get you anything to drink? Water, coffee… orange juice?”

“We’d love some coffee,” Caitlin answered. As Iris turned to go to the kitchen, she thought she saw Cisco protest, to which Caitlin elbowed him in the arm. Cisco doubled over, mouthing _ow, that hurt._ Iris bit back a chuckle. Those two certainly knew each other well.

After preparing the coffee machine, Iris returned to the living room. “So, what brings you by,” she tried, a little cautiously.

The scientists exchanged glances. “Well,” Caitlin started. She cleared her throat. “We were wondering if we could see the baby.”

The room was silent for a beat. Iris tried to calm the nerves that jumped in her stomach.

“Well, um, we kind of heard from Barry what happened,” Cisco explained. “It’ll probably take him some time to come around, but trust us, he will.”

Iris’s eyes darted to Caitlin, studying her for confirmation. She nodded. “In the meantime, we thought we could help you take care of Nora.”

“And maybe run some tests,” Cisco added, earning another elbowing from Caitlin.

Iris frowned. “How can I be sure—”

“You can trust us?” Cisco interrupted. “Well, seeing as we know Barry’s the Flash, and you know Barry’s the Flash, we all have nothing to hide!” Cisco jumped up from the couch, before being pulled back down by Caitlin. Cisco turned to her. “You, know, you’re really starting to act like Harry, and it’s getting on my nerves.”

“You’re forgetting your manners.”

“I’m getting to the point!”

“Anyway,” Caitlin said, “We’d never do anything to hurt Nora, or expose her, or _run tests_ on her without permission.” She gave Cisco a glare. “We just wanted to meet her. And let you know that you’re not alone.” Caitlin fixed Iris in the eye, her gaze strong yet soft. Iris suddenly felt like she could trust this woman.

“Okay,” she said slowly. “Wait here.” Iris set off towards her bedroom, leaving the sound of bickering whispers behind. She opened the doorknob. “Nora?” Silence greeted her. Iris frowned. “Nora?”

Suddenly, a whoosh of yellow and purple zoomed past Iris’s feet, out the door, and into the living room. Iris sighed and jogged after the toddler. Training her not to expose her powers would be quite the task. “Sorry,” she called. “She doesn’t seem to understand—”

Iris burst into the living room, only to stop short in the doorway. Cisco and Caitlin were sitting erect on the couch, eyes frozen wide. Nora was flashing about faster than even Iris had seen her go before. Cisco shook his head. “Wow. If there was any doubt—” he jabbed a finger in Nora’s general direction—”that is _definitely_ Barry’s kid.” 

Iris rushed in and sat on the floor. Just as Iris knew she would, Nora flashed up to her with a toy in hand, giggling. “Nora, sweetie,” Iris started, putting a placating hand on her shoulder, “why don’t you slow down for a minute and say hi to our guests?”

Nora dropped the toy, laughing, and flashed away. Iris’s shoulders slumped. “Sorry.”

Caitlin shook her head. “No, that’s ok,” she assured Iris. “She’s amazing.”

“And,” Cisco added, ducking to avoid a whoosh of wind from Nora’s speeding about, “we’re definitely used to the whole speed thing.”

Iris rose and sat on the couch on the opposite end from her guests. “So, I was right, then,” she said. “The former S.T.A.R. Labs scientists work on Team Flash.”

Cisco’s jaw dropped. “How did you—”

Iris bit her lip. “Well, if I had any doubts before I interviewed you…”

Cisco blushed and said nothing. Caitlin gave him a sideways glance before turning back to Iris. “There aren’t many of us, but yes, there is a Team Flash. I work in bioengineering,” she said, pointing to herself, “and Cisco makes the gadgets.”

“And I name the bad guys,” Cisco announced. Caitlin winced. “Well, Harry does engineering, too, so I thought—”

“Who’s Harry,” Iris interrupted.

“The most annoying man in the multiverse,” Cisco muttered.

“He’s another scientist on the team,” Caitlin explained. “He’s very good at theoretical physics.”

“And throwing things around the room. And messing up my lab.”

“And solving puzzles.”

“Ok, fine, he does a lot of things that I do too, but he doesn’t have any powers, so hah!” Cisco shot back.

“Wait, what?” Iris cocked her head.

“Oh, um.” Cisco glanced at Caitlin. “Well, I guess if you know about Barry…” Cisco pointed two thumbs to his chest. “I’m Vibe.”

Iris stared. “Cool, huh,” Cisco said, grinning and nodding his head up and down. “And she’s—“ Cisco took one look at Caitlin’s pained face and said, “Uh… how about we go on a person-by-person basis, then.” Caitlin had abilities she didn’t feel like sharing, Iris noted.

“So, you’re on the same team, then. Does that extend to include some other metas we’ve seen around? Like… Killer Frost and Elongated Man?” Iris itched for her notebook, but thought better of it and simply placed her hands on her hips. “Do you know the Arrow?”

“Whoa whoa whoa, don’t you think that might be a little overkill? I did say person-by-person—“

“That is, if you’re telling the truth.” Cisco seemed to want to share more than Caitlin did. If Iris could just give him a little prompting, maybe he’d talk. She arched her brow to sell it more.

“Um, I’m not sure my powers are really an… indoor kind of thing,” Cisco mused.

“Well, your portals would be fine,” Caitlin pointed out.

“Right!” Cisco exclaimed, snapping his fingers. “We could give her the S.T.A.R. Labs tour!” He popped up from the couch and stood facing the middle of the room, arm outstretched. As if extending from his fingers, a swirling vortex of blue appeared and grew until it was almost as tall as the room. He turned back to Iris. “Let’s go!” 

Iris stepped back, eyes wide. “No way am I, or my baby, going into that _thing._ ”

Caitlin rose and paced towards the vortex. “It’s perfectly safe,” she said, shrugging as she ducked through. Iris watched as she disappeared into the blue.

“Come on.” Cisco tilted his head and gestured towards his creation.

Iris fixed him with a glare. “If anything happens to me, or my child, I will hold you responsible and I will make your life hell, you hear me?”

He gulped. “Yeah, I hear you,” he squeaked.

Iris sighed and knelt to the ground. As if on cue, Nora materialized out of a flash of yellow and purple, giggling. Iris wrapped her arms around her and rose to face the vortex. Whatever it was, it didn’t look friendly. Iris took a deep breath, gave Cisco one last pointed stare, and stepped through.

The next thing Iris knew, she was somewhere else entirely. The room was large and white, but wasn’t anywhere near empty, as it was filled with computers, desks, gadgets, and papers. As Iris scanned, she even found the Flash’s suit displayed on a mannequin inside a closet of sorts. She froze, breath suddenly gone.

“Aaand we’re here,” Cisco crowed from behind her. Iris whipped around to see the last of the swirling vortex disappear as he stepped out. Iris moved to block his path.

“What was that?” she demanded.

Cisco glanced behind him. “Oh, uh, that?” he asked, pointing. “That, my friend, is a breach. Or, if you will, a manipulation of dimensional energy to get us from point A to point B.”

Iris narrowed her eyes. “Dimensional energy?”

Just then, Nora began to squall. Iris realized, with a start, that she was clutching onto her daughter just a little too hard. Iris set her down and, as usual, she began to zoom away. Papers around the room began to fly upward. "Sorry," Iris said, a little too late.

“Uhh, Caitlin?” Cisco said. “I don’t think we baby-proofed the Cortex.” Cisco began to run after Nora’s paper trail, frantically picking up papers and placing loose items into drawers. “Especially for a super-powered one!” Caitlin sighed and followed suit.

“What the hell is that noise, Ramon?” a voice called from another room. 

“Nothing, Harry, it’s just, uh—”

Then, Harrison Wells strolled into the room.

Iris took a step back in shock. “You,” she growled. “You should be dead—”

“Oookay,” Cisco interrupted, running between Iris and Wells, hands up in a peacemaking gesture. “Iris, this is Harry. Harry, this is Iris.”

“Hello,” Harry replied, before turning back to Ramon. “So you didn’t think to call before you let loose a—”

“Hold on,” Iris said. “He—he shouldn’t be here.” Harry gave a dramatic sigh and rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, um, well, funny story,” Cisco stammered. “He’s not Harrison Wells.”

“Not _your_ Harrison Wells, but I am _a_ Harrison Wells—”

“He’s from another Earth,” Cisco said, as if it would explain everything. It didn’t. Seeing Iris’s expression, Cisco continued. “So, uh, there are multiple Earths, each one in a parallel universe slightly different from ours, and we each have a doppelganger, like Harry here is an Earth-2 doppelganger of Earth-1 Harrison Wells. But he isn’t _our_ Harrison Wells, you know what I’m saying?” Cisco gave Iris a pleading look.

Iris chewed her lip, still confused and suspicious. But, before she could say as much, Harry went right back to scolding Cisco. “We can’t just afford to replace our equipment, Ramon, in case you forgot—”

“Hah! That’s rich, coming from you,” Cisco scoffed. “You know how many times I’ve told you not to throw my stuff—”

“That’s different—”

“Oh, really? Because _throwing things_ seems a lot more damaging than your run-of-the-mill—you know, we already have a speedster regularly blow through here and mess things up anyway—”

Iris shook her head and turned away, placing her hands on her hips.

“Ignore them,” a voice beside her said. Iris turned to find Caitlin, smiling ruefully. “They do that all the time. You get used to it.”

“Sounds like you all have a definite routine here,” Iris observed. “Hey, is the room safe for Nora now?”

Caitlin nodded. “There wasn’t all that much near the floor that she could get into, anyway. All we really had to do was find the paperweights.”

Iris scanned the desks. Each seemed to hold quite an abundance of paperweights. “Oh, because Barry—”

“Yup,” Caitlin affirmed. 

Iris shook her head. “You guys must be pretty used to crazy things happening, I guess.”

Caitlin’s eyes bulged. “You… could say that.” She strode over to a centrally located desk holding several computers. “Hold on, let me…” She began pressing buttons at a rapid rate. Iris walked behind her to take a look. Caitlin noticed Iris’s presence and explained, “We all have trackers on our phones. I was just locating Barry since… um… well, we wouldn’t want him to walk in on you here.” Right. Iris hadn’t left Barry’s on the best of terms. She studied the lines on the white tile floor. 

Iris felt a hand on her shoulder. “He just needs some time to figure himself out,” Caitlin assured her. “I could tell he liked you—both of you—from what he told us… even if he said not to bring you guys around S.T.A.R. Labs.” 

Iris must have made a face, because Caitlin winced. “Again. Just give him time.”

There was a loud crash behind them, and Iris spun around to find Nora speeding away from a piece of equipment she’d knocked to the floor. Cisco swore and rushed to inspect his gadget. “I told you,” Harry’s voice echoed from another room.

Iris sighed. “Alright, Nora, time to cool off,” she said to no one in particular. Iris followed the trail of yellow and purple until Nora reappeared at normal speed. Recognizing her chance, Iris swooped down and grabbed Nora. The toddler began to fuss. “I know, honey, but we need to stay off our feet for a little bit, okay?” Nora only cried again. Iris gave her a bounce to soothe her and make sure she was secure in her mother's arms. Satisfied, she turned back to Caitlin. “Well, if you’re going to give me the tour, I guess it’s now or never.”

“Right this way,” Cisco boomed. He grinned and stepped out towards the middle of the space. “This,” he announced with a circular gesture, “is the Cortex. AKA where all the genius plans happen. You’ll notice here—” he indicated the computer desk— “our state-of-the art computer technology with which we can track our metas throughout the city. And here—” he pointed to what looked like a tricked-up hospital bed— “is our med bay, where we treat our fallen heroes.” Iris surveyed the extensive setup. She hoped it wasn’t needed too often, but her instincts told her otherwise.

“Here,” Cisco’s voice declared, already in another room, “is my desk. My desk, Harry.” Cisco was standing over a particularly messy workspace, glaring at its occupant, who seemed engrossed in a notebook on his lap, his feet up on the desk. “Harry.” Harry only chewed his pen. “Harry,” Cisco prodded again, kicking the legs of the chair. _“Harry.”_

“Oh, I’m sorry, Ramon,” Harry replied without looking up. “I must have thought it was mine, since I found _my_ electron microscope, just sitting here.”

Cisco threw up his hands. “You know, some people resolve conflict in constructive ways, Harry, instead of making it worse—”

“Ahem,” Caitlin said. Cisco turned to her, and the two scientists seemed to have a silent argument, which Caitlin apparently won. _“Anyway,”_ Cisco continued. “Here is Harry’s _actual_ desk, and here’s the theory board, where we write all of our genius realizations.” Cisco continued through a couple more rooms separated by clear walls, then back through the Cortex, before the small group ended up in a hallway. Iris checked in on Nora. She was happily sucking her thumb. _Thank goodness,_ Iris thought.

Once they were out of Harry’s earshot, Iris turned to Caitlin and asked, “So you’re sure he’s not Dr. Wells?”

Cisco snorted. “Are you kidding? They’re, like, as different as you could possibly get. Dr. Wells was super creepy, while Harry is… slightly less creepy… hold on, let me find a different adjective for you.”

“What he means is, the Harry isn’t the Dr. Wells you’re familiar with. He’s a good man, and he’d never hurt Team Flash.”

“Except if his daughter were in danger, in which case he’d sell us out, like he did. Once. Two years ago. Remember that?”

Caitlin sighed. “Cisco, not helping!”

“Well, if you want to know all about the original Wells…” Cisco halted in the middle of the hall and scanned its walls. Iris frowned. There was nothing there, as far as she could tell, just concrete-like panels extending out in both directions. She was about to ask if they could keep on walking when Cisco placed his hand on the wall. Suddenly, the wall seemed to break into a thousand interlocking pieces that slid off to either side, forming a sort of entryway. “The Time Vault,” Cisco said simply, gesturing towards the room, before entering it. Iris and Caitlin followed suit.

Iris stared. She’d seen a lot of strange things in the past several months, but she’d never seen anything quite like this. The room was a stark, glowing white, its walls indented and patterned. Iris thought they looked a bit like Braille. 

“Okay, are you ready for this, because shit’s about to get a little complicated,” Cisco started.

Iris nodded. “Shoot.”

“So, Dr. Wells was originally part of the team, back after Barry first got his powers, but then we figured out that he wasn’t Dr. Wells at all, but a supervillain from the future with speed powers named the Reverse Flash who had this super-creepy obsession with Barry. Turns out, he arrived in the past to try to kill Barry as a kid, but then he just ended up killing Barry’s mother, but after that, he somehow got stuck there, so he killed the real Dr. Wells and took over his body and then just started stalking Barry and stuff.” Cisco paused for breath. “We good so far?”

Iris blinked. _“What?”_

Caitlin folded her arms. Cisco sighed. “Yeah, it didn’t really make much sense to me, either.”

“Hold on,” Iris said. “You’re now asking me to believe that time travel is real?”

“For real?” Cisco raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t know Barry could do that?”

“He can do _what_?”

“Speedsters can do this thing where they run so fast they create ruptures in space-time, so yeah, Barry’s done it before. Many times. Not always… with the best results.” Cisco cleared his throat. “Anyway, that’s not the point.”

Iris raised an eyebrow. “Then what is?”

“Point is, the real Dr. Wells got taken over by an evil supervillain who killed Barry’s mother. This—” he waved his hand around the room— “was his evil lair where he made his evil plans. He was, like, super obsessed with this one newspaper headline from 2024—where’d it go?” Cisco frowned and pressed a couple of buttons on a desk-like protrusion from the wall at the other end of the room. “Gideon?”

“What can I do to help you, Cisco Ramon?” a disembodied female voice echoed through the room. 

Iris jumped. “ _Jesus,_ what is that?”

“Hey, Iris, this is Gideon. Gideon, Iris.” Iris followed Cisco’s hand to find what appeared to be a digital image of a bald woman’s head, floating above the desk like a projection made of light.

“Welcome, Iris West.” 

Iris gaped and took a couple of steps back, clutching Nora. She turned to Caitlin, pointing in the direction of the head. “How does she know who I am?”

“I am under instructions not to answer that,” Gideon replied. _No one asked you,_ Iris thought.

Nora, seemingly curious about the voice, began reaching her arms in Gideon’s direction and waving them up and down. Iris took a slow step forward. “You want to meet the lady, Nora?” Nora laughed.

“Welcome, Nora West-Allen.”

Iris sprang back. _“Jesus Christ.”_

Caitlin placed her hand on Iris’s shoulder. “Perhaps we should get going? Cisco?”

“Right,” Cisco agreed. He ushered Iris back out into the hallway. “That place is just a little creepy, so maybe we should take it slow.”

Iris spluttered. _Just a little creepy?_ “Who—what—even—”

“That was Gideon,” Cisco explained. “Who Barry apparently invented in the future.”

Iris shook her head. This place was becoming crazier and crazier. “So… that was evil-future-villain Dr. Wells’s lair. And?”

“And… yeah, we, uh, took care of evil Wells, who wasn’t even really Wells, but Harry is from a parallel Earth, so he’s a completely different person. So, don’t worry. Harry won’t bite. Unless you piss him off, in which case, he’ll _definitely_ bite.”

Iris raised her eyebrows. “So, where to now?” she asked, if only to get her mind off the… what had Cisco called it… the Time Vault? Iris was beginning to realize just how complicated Barry’s life truly was.

“Right. Off to the Speed Lab!” Cisco started back down the hall with gusto.

Presently, the group came to the largest chamber Iris had seen so far. A wide pipe of sorts circled the walls, and various scientific-looking equipment was scattered throughout the space. “The Speed Lab!” Cisco shouted, holding his arms out and spinning around.

Iris frowned. “So, what exactly is this place?”

“It’s basically a training facility for speedsters,” Caitlin explained. “They can run in the tubes up there, while we measure their speed and vitals and other things.”

Iris nodded. “Got it.”

“And guess who built this baby!” Cisco grinned. “Me!”

“It’s certainly impressive,” Iris offered. The scientist seemed so enthusiastic about his work, she had to at least acknowledge it. And, she had to admit, S.T.A.R. Labs did seem like an awfully good place to work.

“There’s places to test other powers, too,” Cisco continued, hitching a wire to a device that looked like a clear drum. “Watch this.”

Suddenly, a stream of what appeared to be blue light shot out of Cisco’s palm and careened into the drum. Iris jolted, and so did Nora. “It’s okay, baby,” Iris cooed, bouncing Nora up and down in her arms. Iris had forgotten that Cisco himself had powers. The world of Team Flash—Barry’s world—seemed to get crazier and more fantastical every minute. It was almost more than she could take in. Iris watched as the energy from Cisco’s blast seemed to wash over the drum’s face like water and disappeared.

“260 Joules of concussive power,” Cisco bragged. “How ‘bout that.”

“Impressive,” Caitlin said, arms folded. “Although I could have sworn I saw Cindy record 280 yesterday.”

“She did not.” Caitlin shrugged. “Dammit.” Cisco punched his fists downward. “Just when I think I have her beat—”

“Who’s Cindy?” Iris asked. The memory of Cisco’s phantom girlfriend surfaced in her mind. “Or… Cynthia?”

“How did you—”

“I heard you calling to her before I left,” Iris said sheepishly. “You might want to work on your— _preparation_ if anyone else comes snooping around.”

“Don’t remind me,” Cisco muttered. “So, um, Cindy is my girlfriend. She’d probably want you to call her Gypsy, though, because she doesn’t know you. And I mean—” Cisco fixed Iris in the eye— “Seriously, just go along with what she says.”

Iris made a hands-up gesture. “Got it.”

“She has the same powers as I do, except in red. Oh, and I forgot to mention, she’s from Earth-19… so we don’t want anyone outside of Team Flash finding out she exists and asking too many questions.”

Oh. That was why he’d hidden her.

“That goes for Harry, too,” Caitlin added.

Iris grimaced. “Yeah, I can see why. If _I_ almost throttled him, imagine what the police would do.”

Just then, Caitlin’s phone began to blare an alarm. She swiftly grabbed it and checked its screen. “Oh, no.” 

“What is it?” Cisco inquired.

“Barry’s coming back,” Caitlin replied. “Quick, you have to get Iris and Nora out of here.”

“I didn’t get to show them the pipeline!” Cisco protested.

“Did they _really_ need to see the pipeline, Cisco?”

“Well, it’s important!”

“It used to be a _prison,_ Cisco. An actual prison.” Iris frowned. And she thought this place couldn’t get any stranger.

Cisco sighed and turned to Iris. “Well, it’s time to go, I guess.” He stretched his arm out, and immediately, another blue vortex—sorry, _breach,_ Iris recalled—appeared. “Right this way,” Cisco announced, indicating the breach.

Iris gulped. She suddenly realized she’d had a better time than she thought. Cisco and Caitlin were good people. 

“Well, uh, see you next time.” Iris smiled.

“Quick, he’s almost here,” Caitlin stage-whispered, shooing her into the breach.

Iris took a last look around the Speed Lab and crossed through.

Immediately, Iris was back in her apartment. She shook her head. It was all just so incredible. Then, Nora started squalling, and Iris snapped back to reality. “Oh, sweetie,” Iris said, stroking Nora’s hair. “You must be tired.”

Iris put Nora to bed and sat down at the kitchen counter, her head resting on her elbow, thinking. It was then that she noticed the batch of coffee she’d made, which must have been too cold to drink by now. She smiled ruefully. Next time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris has her first day of work with her new babysitters taking care of Nora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, I got just a leetle bit of writer's block, but I hope this suffices!

Iris was almost ready for work the next day when she heard a strange, almost liquid-like noise coming from the living room. She would have been scared, except she’d heard this noise before. Unfortunately for her.

“Hello? I’m here!” Cisco’s voice called out. 

“You’re late!” Iris retorted.

“Sorry!”

Iris came out of the bedroom at a brisk pace, her work bag in hand. “She needs to stay here, you understand me? In fact—“ Iris frowned. “Why isn’t Caitlin here?”

“Um… oh, I thought I was taking Nora back to S.T.A.R. Labs?”

“Yeah, no, that’s not happening until I know for sure I can trust you. And even then—“ Iris put her hands on her hips. “Cisco. Get Caitlin, please. Now.”

“Alright, alright, already,” Cisco backed up, his hands up, before making a breach and disappearing. Iris laid her work bag by the door and started making preparations. Nora’s lunch was in the fridge—check. A stock of diapers where Cisco and Caitlin could easily find them? Check. Instructions on the counter? Check. No choking hazards in the house? Of course not, Iris assured herself, shaking her head. Her apartment had long been baby-proofed. 

Just then, another breach appeared in the living room. Caitlin stepped out of it, followed by Cisco. Perfect timing.

“Thank you so much for doing this,” Iris greeted Caitlin, wrapping her in a hug. “It means so much to me.”

“So, she gets a thank you and I don’t? Typical,” Cisco muttered.

“Keep an eye on him, too, for me?”

Caitlin smirked. “Oh, I will.” 

Iris grabbed her bag and rushed out the door. “I’ll be back at 5:30!”

“You’re welcome!” Cisco’s voice shouted. 

Iris shut the door and started off down the street. It was a sunny morning, and Iris couldn’t be happier. She’d relished in being able to call her dad and tell him he didn’t have to take his last vacation day to watch Nora this time. Maybe things were looking up. 

***

Iris was typing furiously, trying to finish her article on the latest developments in Israel and Palestine, when her phone buzzed. Iris’s fingers itched to check it, but she thought better of it. This piece was really important. After all, her boss would kill her if she didn’t have a first draft for editing by her lunch break. 

Then her phone buzzed again. And again. And again. _Cisco,_ Iris realized. She sighed and picked it up to read her messages.

Nora’s started waving her arms incessantly and it’s making things fall over what do we do  
Iris  
Iris  
Help

Iris gritted her teeth and wrote back.

She tends to to that right before her nap. Just get her favorite toy, put it on the ground, and she’ll slow down to play with it

Iris set her phone aside and stared at the words on her computer. Where was she? 

Her phone vibrated again. _Dammit, Cisco._ Iris picked up and read:

Which one is her favorite toy??? Help please

Right, she’d forgotten that her babysitters weren’t like her dad and Cecile and therefore wouldn’t know which toy was Nora’s favorite. She wrote:

The one with the shapes and the wires. It’s on this platform thing. 

“Iris?”

Her head jerked up to find her boss, Mason Bridge, looming over her. Iris’s insides twisted. “Sorry, I—“

“I need this to be on the front page. You know how lucky you are to even get a front-page article?”

“Yes,” Iris responded, just as her phone buzzed again. Iris blanched. 

“What’s going on, anyway?” Bridge glowered.

“Oh, uh, that’s just my daughter’s babysitter. They needed some emergency tips. You know how toddlers can be,” Iris explained with a nervous chuckle.

“Let me see.” Bridge motioned for her to hand him the phone.

 _Crap. Why does Bridge act exactly like my high school teachers did?_ Iris thought. ”No, it’s okay now, I’m sure they’ll survive without—“

Bridge scooped up the phone. Iris, without thinking, knocked it out of his hands and clutched it, heart beating fast. _Nora. He almost found out about Nora._

Bridge stared at her for a moment. “You’d better clean up your act and your article, West, because paper this is going to print tomorrow, God help me, whether you’re finished or not.”

Iris started to nod, continuing probably a moment longer than she should have. Then, she whirled back to her computer. This wasn’t good news for her. Bridge was in a state, so she had better make her article as thorough and clean as possible. _Shoot. What had I just been about to write?_

Iris scanned her article until she found her stopping spot and kept typing.

***

Iris had _almost_ finished when she heard the gunshots across the street. 

She jerked to a standing position, stomach writhing. _Oh, no. Not here, not now._ Iris started to back away from the window, but something—perhaps pure morbid curiosity—glued her to her spot. 

Central City Picture News was located close to a bank, so that was the first place Iris thought to look, but the steps leading up to the building were empty of people. In fact, as she scanned the other storefronts, none of them looked out of the ordinary. Which, Iris realized, probably meant the trouble was inside the buildings. Duh.

“What are you doing!” a voice from behind her hissed as someone grabbed her wrist and pulled her backward. “Rule number one in shooting situations: hide? Remember that training—I’m talking to dead air, aren’t I?”

Iris gave her head a shake, finally tearing her eyes away from the window, and met Linda’s gaze. “No, you aren’t. I heard you.” Iris allowed herself to be dragged over the the corner where they’d practiced lockdowns—since Iris’s boss was just a little paranoid. _Even more proof that Bridge acts like a high school teacher,_ the back of Iris’s mind joked. She shook her head. This was serious. People might be dying on the other side of the street.

 _People might be dying…_ Iris’s eyes widened. She could do something about this. Attempting to subtly scoot away from the others, Iris dialed Caitlin.

There was a pause, before Caitlin’s voice answered. “Hello?” Iris noted the sound of Nora’s happy cries in the background. Well, at least _something_ was going right.

“Call Barry,” Iris whispered. “Now.”

The background noise suddenly stopped, and Iris heard the sounds of frantic whispering and the phone jostling in Caitlin’s hands. Then, Caitlin replied, “What is it? Is something wrong?”

“I heard gunshots across the street from where I work,” Iris replied. “Hurry.”

The connection cut off before Iris even had a chance to hang up herself. She lowered the phone, hand trembling ever so slightly. They took emergencies seriously at S.T.A.R. Labs—probably because they were quite used to them. Iris tightened and released her grip around her phone. She’d see _him,_ soon, if she were close enough to look out the window. Suddenly, Iris couldn’t be hidden enough.

Another gunshot sounded, causing Iris to flinch. Then another. Then—dead silence. Iris waited as the minutes ticked by, her legs starting to cramp from the way she was curled up on the floor. _Please. Let it end._

Finally, the sounds of police sirens wafted through the windows. Within a minute, an officer had entered the Central City Picture News and altered them that the suspect had been apprehended, so they could all go back to work. 

Everyone started talking all at once. 

“Did you see anything?” 

“No, but Lisa texted and said it was a bank robbery—“ 

“Did you know the Flash showed up?”

Iris simply rose and strode back to her desk, phone still gripped tight in her hand. As she sat down, her eyes darted out the window, almost against her will. 

He was still there, clad in head-to-toe red that was impossible not to spot. His back was to her, but she could still see him waving to the crowd that had appeared, before he turned to the detective beside him and said something. The detective nodded and scribbled in his notebook. 

Presently, the Flash’s posture straightened, his stance widening to indicate that he was about to run, but something made him hesitate. Iris unconsciously held her breath as he turned. And looked Iris right in the eye. 

Iris stared back. Despite the distance, despite the suit, his eyes had the same, almost magnetic depth to them. 

Then, in a flash, he was gone.

***

“Phone, please,” Cisco demanded, his hand outstretched, as soon as Iris opened the door to her apartment after work.

She frowned. “No way—”

Cisco grinned. “Team Flash has decided to give you a panic button! Way to go, you’re now officially one of us.”

Iris stayed frozen where she was. “Wait—”

“Well, that’s not strictly true,” Caitlin interjected as she half-trotted to the door, giving Cisco a side glance. “But we had a talk with Barry, and he agreed you should have the same program installed, just in case you’re in danger.”

“Which only members of Team Flash have,” Cisco added.

Caitlin sighed and turned back to Iris. “So, as Cisco meant to say, we’d like to borrow your phone so we can equip you with a panic button.”

 _Barry. He agreed to this._ Iris fished out her phone. “Um, yeah, of course.”

“Great!” In one fluid motion, Cisco took the phone, created a breach, and vanished, probably off to S.T.A.R. Labs. Iris blinked at the place where he’d just been. Could she ever get used to that?

Caitlin gave her an apologetic smile. “So, I hope you’re alright,” she said, moving aside to let Iris into the apartment.

Iris’s brain took a moment to register what she was talking about. “Oh, right, that,” Iris sighed. “I’m fine, thanks.” _Thanks to Barry._ Iris shook her head. He dealt with that every day. Which, in retrospect, made Iris’s scare seem rather small. “It’s—it’s nothing,” she swallowed.

Just then, Nora came barreling in—from the kitchen, Iris noted, as indicated by the trail of light she left behind—and clamped around Iris’s knees. “Hi, honey,” Iris cooed, dropping her work bag so she could hoist Nora up in her arms. 

“Mama,” Nora giggled. Iris bit her lip, her chest rising with joy. Hearing Nora say that would never get old. Iris bounced her for a minute, stroking her hair, before Nora began to squirm. “You want to go down, sweetie?” Iris asked. “Okay.” Iris lowered her daughter to the floor. Nora’s feet had only barely brushed solid ground before she shot off again, the only sign of her the yellow and purple she left behind. 

“You don’t have to do that, you know.”

Iris’s head jerked upward to find Caitlin, watching her from across the room. “What—”

“You don’t have to pretend like everything’s okay if it’s not,” Caitlin clarified, voice gentle as she moved to stand next to Iris. 

Iris felt as though something tightened in her throat. She shook her head and started towards the kitchen. “I’m fine.” She had things to do, messes to clean, if the state of the kitchen counter was any indication. She began to place dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

Caitlin’s footsteps followed her. “I suppose I should tell that to myself,” she said with a humorless laugh. 

Iris paused, a plate still in hand, and looked at Caitlin. The scientist met her eyes, and, seeming to understand the question they held, bowed her head towards her hands. She began drawing them back and forth, as if weaving something out of thin air. And then, for a moment, she was. Iris stared as what appeared to be frosty mists emanated from Caitlin’s hands, brushing back and forth in the direction of her fingers.

“I thought I wanted to be rid of it, to be rid of _her,_ for so long,” Caitlin murmured. She drew her hands together, and a puff of frost billowed out in all directions, seemingly extinguishing itself. Caitlin heaved a sigh and wiped her hands on the sides of her dress. “Until I was. And now, this is the best I can do.” She leaned back on the nearest cabinet, gaze still pointed downward. 

“You’re Killer Frost,” Iris whispered, the realization hitting her from behind like a ton of bricks. She sat abruptly in one of the chairs of the kitchen table, her grip tightening around the plate she’d been holding.

Caitlin raised her eyes to meet Iris’s. They were hard, yet sorrowful. “Well, not really me, but yes,” she confirmed. “At least, I was.” She brought a hand up near her face and examined it, pinching her fingers together and releasing them. “We had a run-in, several months ago, with…” She seemed to think better of whatever she was about to say. “Let’s just say that side of me is blocked. For now.”

Iris stared. This didn’t makes sense—she couldn’t possibly reconcile sweet, proper Caitlin with the dangerous not-quite villain that had Central City Picture News tied up in knots. All eyewitness accounts of Killer Frost had stated that she spoke, well, _coldly_ towards others and used painful, sometimes lethal methods to achieve her goals. Yet, she’d only been seen helping the Flash, instead of fighting him, in the last several months before she’d disappeared. No one knew whether to thank her or to be glad she was gone.

Caitlin met Iris’s eyes for a moment before averting them, pain filling her features. “She’s not as bad as people thought. She was just… frequently misguided.”

“She?” Iris managed to blurt.

Caitlin dropped her hand. “My powers manifested as a different persona,” she explained slowly. “Like dissociative identity disorder. At first, I hated her. I’d wake up in strange places, only to learn that… _she_ ’d hurt people. Then, she took over completely for a while. I felt robbed, and helpless, like I was trapped in my own body.” Caitlin shifted her feet. “But then, I started to… not exactly like her, but accept that she was there. Especially when I could turn to her when I was in danger. She actually made me feel more powerful. And she started to get used to me, too, so I didn’t feel like I was at war with myself anymore.” Caitlin cleared her throat. “Of course, that’s when she was taken from me.” Caitlin’s hand drifted upwards once more, and she made a fist. Seemingly unhappy with the result, Caitlin scowled and made the motion again, before seeming to give up. Her eyes met Iris’s, cold and unforgiving, yet so lost at the same time. In that moment, Iris began to believe that the woman before her could indeed be Killer Frost, and yet somehow still be Caitlin Snow, the kind scientist who had made her feel welcome in the Flash’s strange world. Iris shut her eyes for a moment. None of this made sense.

Caitlin gave her head a toss and blinked, seeming to return to herself. “So… long story short… I’m not okay. Neither is Cisco, if you can believe it. And neither is Barry.” She gave Iris a pained half-smile. “So it’s perfectly fine if you aren’t, either.”

Iris looked down at the dining table, tracing the folds of the wood patterns with her index finger. “I don’t know,” she mumbled. Suddenly regaining awareness of her surroundings, she got up and put away the plate she’d been holding. 

There was a liquid-like noise in the living room, announcing Cisco’s arrival. “I’ve got your phone,” he crowed as he entered the kitchen. “Here you go.”

Iris took her phone back and pocketed it, before returning to her work. “Hold on, neither of you are saying much.” He frowned.

“It’s alright, Cisco, let’s go.” Caitlin placed a soothing hand on Cisco’s shoulder and steered him away. 

“Okay, well, uh, see you tomorrow!” Cisco’s voice called. Iris heard the beginnings of a hushed quarrel between the two scientists, followed by the sound of Cisco breaching away. Then, all Iris could hear was the noise of Nora's constant flashing about. Suddenly, Iris felt the need to sit down. She crossed into the living room in approximately three strides and flopped down onto the couch. 

Nora appeared at Iris’s feet. “Duck,” she announced, holding up her rubber duck.

“That’s right, sweetie,” Iris smiled in encouragement. Nora flashed away. 

Iris felt her smile fade. Caitlin... what a bombshell. Iris didn't know whether to trust her friend anymore. She wondered if that made her a bad person. And why had Caitlin thought she wasn’t alright? Iris had only had a brief scare by the robbery today. She was fine now, surely.

But Caitlin’s words still stuck in her head. _I’m not okay. And neither is Barry._

Then it hit Iris. Caitlin had figured out something Iris herself hadn't cared to admit—she was still stuck on Barry. It had been bothering her all day. He’d come for her. He’d given her a panic button. He still cared—yet he wouldn’t talk to her.

Iris snatched her work bag, unzipped it, and pulled out her computer. She’d tried to forget about it, forget about _him,_ but there was obviously so much history there. She needed to know what exactly he’d been through to empathize with him. And, Iris knew, somewhere in her subconscious, that she had to change his mind, and she needed to know where he was coming from to do it.

It was research time.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, things don't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, guys, I'm really sorry. I hit a bit of block, and started a new job, and my motivation is already spotty, but... yeah, I know, I should have updated sooner. I know I left you hanging, though, so I'm going to give you a little bit more. Just... don't hate me, it might not be what you expected. Heck, it's not even what I expected. So here goes, I guess.

Iris sat back from where she was perched on the couch, hunched over her laptop, and sighed. This research session was, so far, not going well. Barry’s vigilante activities were even less documented than Iris had originally thought.

Iris laced her fingers together and stretched. She wondered why she’d never thought about just how little the public knew about the Flash’s operations. Sure, she’d read the stories the newspaper put out after recent scuffles with villains, but, since she wasn’t a part of Central City Picture News’s Flash coverage, Iris didn’t realize that the information the paper gave to the public was just about all it had uncovered itself. Usually, Iris found many details in her research process that didn’t make it into her articles—perhaps they were irrelevant, or too specific for the article length, or not interesting enough. But Iris worked in the realm of domestic politics. These were public figures with known associates, campaign websites, representatives, and many “ins” in order to dig for information. They could be interviewed. On the contrary, as Iris searched, piece by piece, through the CCPN’s files on the Flash yet again, she was struck by just how little information the paper was able to uncover. So far, Iris had been able to piece together only a limited history of the Flash. 

She slammed her laptop closed, just a little harder than she’d intended, and trudged to the bathroom to get herself ready for bed. What was she missing here? Reverse Flash, Zoom, Savitar, the Thinker—all, as far as the CCPN had found, had been vanquished. In fact, for all intents and purposes, the Flash had never truly lost to a villain at all. Not that Barry’s job had been easy—Iris knew it had been hard, especially with the loss he’d already experienced in his personal life—but she couldn’t escape the feeling that something else had happened, something worse, that, was holding him back.

Iris flicked the bathroom light switch and blinked at herself in the mirror. Ugh. She looked like hell. Iris ran her fingers through her hair in a vain attempt to reign in some of its static-y antics, still squinting from the sudden burst of light. What time was it, anyway? Iris glanced at her watch. 2:00 A.M. Groaning, Iris turned on the faucet and gave herself a splash in the face. _What am I doing,_ she thought. _Here I am, positioning myself to get, what, four hours of sleep on a work night, theorizing like a madwoman about the Flash’s personal life. If I were Bridge, I’d be ashamed to call Iris West a rational, legitimate, responsible reporter._ Iris shut off the faucet with a shove and wrung her hands, spraying water everywhere.

And yet. Iris stared at her reflection in the mirror once more, searching her own eyes as if they were interview transcripts, more evidence that she could add to her story. She still needed to get to the bottom of this. And that meant—that meant finding another source. One closer to the subject. One that could be interviewed and trusted her enough to give her the information she needed.

Iris sighed. She knew she’d been avoiding the scientists, but… they’d already told her so much. More than she, if she were being truly honest, really wanted to know, in retrospect. Iris shook her head, trying to get the image of Dr. Caitlin Snow as Killer Frost out of her head. They’d gone out on a limb to trust her. They deserved, at least, some trust and friendship in return. She should text them, go back to S.T.A.R. Labs or get coffee or something. Even if Iris didn’t get around to asking what she was really after.

Iris grabbed her towel and yanked it off, drying her hands with vigorous purpose. Tomorrow. She’d invite them out tomorrow. 

***

Of course, that would have been easier if they’d actually showed up as planned.

Iris paced around her living room, trying her best to avoid Nora’s lighting trails. They were supposed to have been here fifteen minutes ago to watch Nora. Like they’d been doing for the past week. Had she forgot to confirm, or miscommunicated, or something? Or were they just late? But they were never _this_ late… Iris pulled out her phone and checked it, for what felt like the millionth time, for messages. Nothing. Iris’s chest tightened as she pocketed her phone. _I’m going to be late, I’m going to be late, I’m going to be late…_

Suddenly, Iris’s pocket buzzed. _Yes. Yesyesyes._ Iris whipped out her phone to read Cisco’s message. 

Heads up Barry is coming over right now no time to explain

_Whoosh._ Iris jumped, fumbling her phone as she tried not to drop it, before turning around to find the source of the noise. And freezing, her heart suddenly jumping into her throat. 

Cisco hadn’t been kidding. Right smack-dab in the middle of her living room, sporting windswept hair and jamming his hands awkwardly into his pockets, stood Barry Allen. 

Iris opened her mouth, before closing it again. What—what was he doing here?

Before either adult seemed to gather the necessary courage to speak, Nora suddenly appeared out of a ball of lightning and careened into Barry’s shins, giggling. Barry took a step back and peered down at her. “Uh, hi, Nora. Nice to see you too.”

Iris’s ability to speak returned all at once. “Really? You couldn’t have used the door? I mean—how did you get in here anyway?” A part of Iris’s brain was screaming at her to shut up, but she ignored it. She was pissed. He deserved to know. 

Barry looked up, eyes wide. “Um… I guess… I’m sorry, I thought since you knew…well, actually, I didn’t think, but…” Iris opened her mouth to interject, but Barry surprised her by continuing. “I just—I felt bad about what I said. The other night. And then, I mean, you’ve been still taking care of her all alone, and I thought I should help. You know, as her… sorry, I shouldn’t try to… I don’t want to infringe on your… I…” Iris began to zone out as Barry continued rambling. He was here—now, of all times—and _he_ wanted to take care of Nora? _Wait a second—_

Iris’s phone buzzed again, causing her to jolt. She fished it out.

Cisco: he doesn’t know that we’ve been watching Nora just play along

“Who was that?” Barry’s voice inquired. Iris snapped her head to look at him. He was sitting down now, hugging his knees as Nora ran in circles around him. “I mean—sorry, I’m not trying to intrude—“

“Work,” Iris stated, tone flat. “I’m going to be late.” Part of her knew she should thank him, go get her bag and run out the door, but some silly, irrational part of her brain left her still frozen, rooted to her spot. She studied the man in front of her. His posture was awkward and hunched over, as though apologizing for his presence, but his eyes were locked on hers with a clear, earnest gaze. What had changed his mind? The last time she’d seen him, he’d acted like she didn’t exist. Presently, as Iris spoke, he scrambled to his feet, watching his step to make sure he didn’t trample Nora.

“You’re late? Uh, I can take you. That would be—I don’t want to be the reason you get in trouble or anything.”

Iris blinked. “What?”

Barry held out his hands. “I could just carry you there. Don’t worry, I know how to hide—“

“No,” Iris spat, her mouth suddenly filling with bile. She spun on her heel and grabbed her work bag. Why did he think he could just barge back in? As if he’d never shut her out?

“Iris—“

“Call Cisco and Caitlin,” she said, a dangerous edge creeping into her voice. Barry’s face morphed into an expression like he’d just been smacked, but Iris didn’t care. “See, while you’ve been sitting on your ass, they’ve been actually helping.” Iris gripped the handle of her front door and flung it open, trying to ignore how the shine of the metal blurred before her eyes. “In fact, by now, they know your own daughter better than you. So why don’t you run off to your own actual job and leave me the fuck alone.” With that, Iris slammed the door and took off running. 

_Thud thud thud._ Iris’s heeled booties clacked against the pavement, each seeming to pound more rage into her heart. Why. Why now. He could have—he should have—

Suddenly, the tears were too thick for her to see. Iris stumbled to a stop and leaned against the side of a brick building, choking on her breath as she started to sob. He’d come back—he’d finally come back—and she’d ruined it. She shouldn’t have been such a petty, vindictive bitch. But she just felt so angry—and she had a right to be, didn’t she? Iris kicked the wall in frustration. She hated this. This whole mess. And why was she crying so hard? 

_Get a grip._ Iris wiped at her eyes, cursing at the mascara that stained the back of her hands, and squinted at her watch. Five minutes. She had five more minutes to get to work. She could make this if she ran. If she _ran…_

Iris’s body heaved as she was hit with another round of hiccups, Barry’s wounded face flashing before her eyes. She couldn’t do it. She just couldn't do it. Slowly, she sank to a sitting position, sobbing all the while. 

Five minutes passed. Then ten. Iris yanked another tissue from the Kleenex box that sat next to her on the cobbled sidewalk and blew. She was an idiot. She was late, late past the point of no return now, and here she was, blubbering like a baby. Iris stood up and stomped on the mascara-blackened Kleenexes. She needed to go, now.  
But she didn’t want to go to work. She’d been trying so hard to make it, every day, even after she’d discovered Nora’s powers. So much stress. So many days of being greeted in the morning by a blaring alarm, too tired to think, only being able to pull herself out of bed due to the sheer dread of missing work. All those days her father and Cecile had sacrificed just so she could go. Iris let out a loud, bitter sob. So much effort for—what, exactly? 

Just like she’d done so many times before that day, Iris let the irrational side of her win. Gathering up her used tissues and shoving them, mascara and all, into the tissue box, Iris rose, shouldering her bag, and set off to the one place she’d always been able to call home.

After what felt like an eternity, Iris finally found herself in front of Joe’s door. She knocked. There was no response. Right—she’d forgotten that both her father and Cecile were back at work now that she had Cisco and Caitlin to babysit. Iris bit back a sob, blindly fishing out her keys to let herself in. Once she’d pried the door open, Iris made a beeline for the couch and flopped down, leaving her things in a heap by the stoop. She was tired. She was so tired...

It was only then, as she slowly drifted into slumber, that she thought to wonder where she’d gotten the tissues.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Iris processes her feelings, she gains some more perspectives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while, guys, and I'm sorry. This could be a bit rough—after all, I did right it in the middle of the night—but it's the first time I've had real inspiration for this fic in a while. I didn't really know how to go about this chapter, and I had to go through a couple of discarded drafts to finally get something close to what I'd intended. In addition, I had a lot going on—there was my summer job, and then starting college. You know, no big deal. But I'm still sorry for keeping you waiting. My life is busy, though, so I would appreciate it if you guys can refrain from pestering me for updates. Shoutout to whenyouwereeast for leaving such a lovely comment—you were so kind and understanding, and in the end, you were what inspired me to keep going with this fic. Thank you so much.

“Iris.”

Groaning, the woman in question shifted, trying to block out the noise. Sleep. She was trying to sleep. 

“I know, honey, but you have to get up,” a feminine voice chided. “From the looks of it, you’ve missed work, and they need to know whatever happened.”

Iris squeezed her eyes shut even further. _Work. No, no, not now. No work. Only sleep._

“Yes, work, Iris. Yes work. No sleep. Come on, sweetie, you can do it.”

Iris frowned. Wait, she hadn’t spoken aloud. Which meant—oh, wait, only one person could—

Her eyes flew open to find Cecile leaning over her, her expression full of concern. “H-hi,” Iris greeted, her voice still husky from sleep.

Cecile’s hand slipped behind Iris’s shoulder. “Hi, honey,” she said quickly, before forging ahead with her usual energy. “Now, what happened? When we came home, we were definitely not expecting—” She seemed to reconsider her train of thought, and gave her head a little shake. “Well, whatever it is, sweetie, you’ve got to get up. I’m sure you’ll want to let work know what’s going on.”

Iris blinked, trying to adjust her eyes to the light, before suddenly rising to an erect position. All at once, she was assaulted by memories of what had happened earlier that day. Barry showing up. Her harsh words. The brick corner where she’d settled down for a cry. Ending up here—and _work._ That’s right, she’d bailed without calling. Oh, no, Bridge was going to have her hide—

Iris fished out her phone and started to dial the number. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Cecile stand back up with an expression of understanding, before leaving the room, presumably to talk to Iris’s father. That’s right—she’d probably been able to pick up much of what had occurred just from Iris’s jumbled memories. Iris gave her head a quick shake. Sometimes, she still couldn’t get used to Cecile’s newfound abilities. Then again, what with Nora’s own powers and the new… _unconventional_ babysitters Iris had enlisted, she was one to talk. 

After finishing the call, which went… alright, all things considered, Iris took the time, the first since she’d woken up, to really collect herself. Here she was. She was on the couch of her dad’s living room, her purse and jacket in a crumpled heap by the door, an abused-looking box of tissues on the floor by where her head had been during her impromptu nap. Iris sighed, running her hand through her hair. This was fine. Just great. 

Realizing she could stand to have something to eat, Iris rose and headed towards the kitchen in a lethargic shuffle. When she entered the room, both Joe and Cecile’s voices immediately stopped, their heads turning to watch her. Iris ignored them and searched the cupboards. Surely her father still kept a box of her favorite Rice Krispies somewhere…

“They’re in the top cabinet to the left of the fridge,” Cecile blurted. Iris snapped her head around, a reproachful look crossing her features. Cecile took a small step backwards, her hands up. “Sorry. Don’t mind me. Just… go on, do _whatever it is_ you’re doing.” 

Iris snorted softly and followed Cecile’s directions to the Rice Krispies. “It’s okay, you don’t have to pretend you don’t know what I’m thinking,” she smirked.

“Well, I mean, I don’t know _everything_ you’re thinking—I mean, I hear your thoughts, but only the surface of what crosses your mind, I can’t dig through your memories to find any context for it—” Joe cleared his throat, and Cecile deflated slightly, before fixing Joe with a glare. “Oh, shush, I’m trying to make her feel less violated,” she whispered much too loudly.

“Really, it’s okay,” Iris sighed, trudging to a chair with her cereal, milk, and bowl in hand. “You can’t exactly help it.”

An uncomfortable silence fell upon the kitchen. Iris picked up the cereal box and began to pour, trying not to think about the fact that Cecile would know whatever she thought about. It had been only recently that they’d found out Cecile’s abilities, while pregnancy-induced, were in fact permanent. Joe certainly hadn’t been thrilled about that fact, even though he’d tried to hide it. But it was true—Cecile couldn’t exactly help it. This was just the first time that Iris had been around her in an emotionally vulnerable state. The first time it felt violating, like Cecile herself had said. 

Unbidden, Iris’s mind flashed to the new information she’d discovered about Caitlin. About Killer Frost. The icy anti-hero _was_ a separate personality, not really Caitlin herself… and it wasn’t like Caitlin was really able to help it, either. Iris glanced furtively at Cecile, to find that the other woman was looking back, probably having heard every word. Iris gave her an apologetic half-smile and turned back to take a bite out of her cereal. 

All these powers she suddenly found herself surrounded by… Iris would be lying if she claimed it wasn’t overwhelming. Heck, that was what had gotten her into this mess in the first place. But when she thought of her baby, flashing about her home, all yellow and purple and giggles and windswept hair… Iris smiled. Nora’s abilities certainly complicated things, but Iris found she couldn’t really imagine her daughter anymore without them. They were simply one of the things that made her _her_ —her wonderful, weird self. 

The sound of chair legs dragging against the linoleum floor roused Iris from her reverie, and she peered to her right to find her dad sitting in the seat next to her, Cecile soon following suit to Iris’s left. Joe cleared his throat. “Alright, Iris, we’ve been trying to be cool—” Iris raised an eyebrow, to which Joe laughed. “Honest, baby girl. But I think I speak for parents everywhere when I say that I’m not sure I can go much longer without knowing what happened.” He laced his fingers together and placed his elbows on the table, leaning almost imperceptibly in Iris’s direction. Iris took a quick glance in Cecile’s direction, and found that she was waiting to hear whatever Iris had to say, too, her expression devoid of judgement.

Iris rolled her shoulders back and took another bite of cereal. She knew she’d have to talk about it eventually. And—that was probably why her subconscious had chosen to come here in the first place, right?

She swallowed and looked down in her lap. “Barry happened,” she started simply, lifting her chin to make eye contact with Joe. He nodded, a gesture that Iris knew meant he understood, but was waiting to hear more. She lowered her gaze.

“Today he… he actually showed up at my apartment.” Joe raised an eyebrow, and Iris gave a weak chuckle in response. “Yeah, I know, I know, that’s exactly what I’d been wanting. But I guess… it was just so out of the blue. He just appeared out of thin air and all I could think when I looked at him was, why now? Why not before? After weeks of just… nothing.” Iris frowned. “It feels so awful, so stupid in retrospect. I got so mad at him, when I should have been glad he was finally there.”

Joe shifted so he could more readily turn and face her, his expression resolute. “Iris, he shut you out. Of course you had reason to feel that way.” She nodded, her fingers toying with the handle of her cereal spoon. She hadn’t quite let herself take that line of thought—perhaps she really did deserve the chance to let Barry know how his silence had made her feel.

“But you’re also right.” Iris glanced at him. “That’s your baby daddy who showed up at your door. Sure, he might have needed some telling off, but honey—” Joe placed a steady hand on her shoulder, his voice lowering to almost a whisper— “Do you really want to miss that chance? Do you want your baby to miss that chance? The ability to grow up with two parents, instead of one?” 

Iris gulped before averting her eyes, recognizing in Joe’s tone what he hadn’t said—what he hadn’t needed to say. She hadn’t had a mother for years, and Wally hadn’t had his father. They’d all turned out fine; perhaps it had even been for the better. But the specter of what could have been, especially when she’d found her mother had been alive after all… Iris could never know what she’d missed. And Joe knew. In a way, he was apologizing still, even now.  
Iris lifted a hand to rub her eyes and was greeted with a wetness that could only mean more tears. Cecile rose from the chair next to her, before coming back with the box of tissues. Iris nodded her thanks and took one.

As Iris mulled it over, she found her resolve firming. Barry deserved another chance. “I’m going to go talk to him,” she expressed out loud, wiping at her eyes with short, fast strokes. “Thanks, guys, you’re the best.”

“Aww, baby, you know we’ll always be there for you,” Cecile said, pulling her stepdaughter into a tight hug.

“Don’t I know it,” Iris laughed, before sniffling and having to reach for another tissue. 

Joe rose and started towards the entryway of the kitchen, Cecile following not far behind. “Alright, as much as we’d love to stay, we were only planning on a short stop–over on our way to picking up baby Jenna. Are you going to stay here, or?”

“You could even stay for dinner,” Cecile offered. 

_Very tempting,_ Iris thought. However… “I should probably go at some point,” she signed. “I need to get back to Nora, and should probably take the time to run some errands… but thank you. Really. For everything.”

Joe paused. “You know you’re welcome any time, right?”

Iris smiled. “I do.” 

And, with a some final encouraging smiles, the couple was gone, leaving Iris with the house to herself.

Iris stood and stretched her arms out in a sweeping motion, before clearing her place. She wasn’t that hungry anymore, really. Iris sniffled. And she needed another tissue.

Reaching into the tissue box, Iris found that there didn’t appear to be any fresh ones left that were easily accessible. Frowning, she sank into a chair and started to pull out the crumpled, mascara-stained tissues that appeared to be crammed inside. She’d truly used a lot of this box back on that sidewalk. In fact—

Iris froze. It had been nagging her, somewhere in the back of her mind. Where had the tissues come from? Turning back to the box, she began pulling out the used tissues more rapidly, flinging them to the side. She certainly didn’t leave the house with a box of tissues, and these things didn’t exactly appear out of thin air—

Iris’s fingers clenched for another tissue, only to find the paper thicker than she’d expected. Scrambling to get a good grip, she pulled her hand out of the box to find herself clutching some pieces of notebook paper, folded in quarters. Her heart skipped a beat. _Barry._ He must have left her the box, so quickly she hadn’t noticed. Which would mean this was his note.

Iris unfolded the papers and read.

_Dear Iris,_

_I know this can’t fix everything, but I hope you can believe me when I say that I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry for pushing you away. I wasn’t thinking about how you’d feel. I didn’t think to realize that keeping you out would hurt you more than letting you in, and you were right to point that out. I made a horrible first try at being a father. Because I didn’t try. And that’s the worst kind of father, the kind you don’t deserve, the kind Nora should never have to put up with. For that, I owe you an apology. However, I think I also owe you an explanation._

_While none of what I’m about to tell you really excuses my behavior, I think it might help you understand why I reacted the way you did when you first found me again. I might have hinted briefly that I remembered you from that night at the club. I know you’re rightfully upset with me because I left before the morning. Truth be told, I don’t remember much of that night either—you can thank one of Cisco’s concoctions for that—but when I saw you in the morning, beautiful even when lying asleep, your hair splayed everywhere, I remembered how you made me feel. I liked you, Iris. And that scared me._

_The last time I liked someone–and even dared to love them—happened around two years ago. You might even remember her, since she served on the metahuman task force—I don’t know your father all that well, but I know he was part of the team at one point. Her name was Patty, detective Patty Spivot. I started running into her a lot, both in and out of the mask, and before I really knew it, we had started dating. She wasn’t blind, so, like you, she eventually figured out my secret. For a while, things were going great. I felt better than I’d even felt with her. She joined Team Flash, and her investigative expertise and presence on the metahuman task force helped us solve cases faster. She also helped me give more plausible excuses—believe me, I could come up with some truly terrible lies. All in all, she was a wonderful asset to the team, and I loved her all the more for it. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t originally planned to tell her._

_Then, Savitar began appearing around the city. I’m not sure how much the CCPN knows about Savitar, but long story short, Savitar was from the future and had a personal vendetta against me. He knew everything about me—my strengths, my weaknesses, my battle strategies, my next move—and who I loved. And he wanted to destroy me—not just physically, but emotionally. Savitar wanted to crush my soul. Soon after we first identified him as a major threat, I made a jump into the future and ended up watching, helplessly, as he killed Patty. I saw myself try and fail to save her. We realized that this was his final, grand master plan to destroy me, but even after a couple of attempts to change the future, I’d run forward in time only to watch it happen all over again. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that the only way I could save Patty was to convince Savitar that I didn’t love her as much as I did, so I broke up with her about six months before she was supposed to die. In retrospect, I think by then, Savitar had already won. He’d already taken her from me. And Savitar knew how heartbroken being without her made me feel, so he just became all the more determined to kill her._

_When the time came around that Patty was slated to die, the team and I started trying anything and everything we could think of to change the circumstances of her death and keep her safe. While she was still angry at me for breaking up with her, in those last, panicked days, I realized that I needed to make the most of the time we had. I let her back in. And, as Savitar told me afterwards, our time together during those days gave him all the information he needed to ensure her death._

_In the end, there was nothing we could do. It was just like I’d seen from afar, so many times, except this time, I was living it. He was too fast, too ruthless. And although I was just a tiny fraction of a second too late, that gap made all the difference. She died in my arms._

_Afterwards, I was so heartbroken I almost went off the deep end. There was a lot of stuff involving the Speed Force that’s hard to explain, but basically, I agreed to be its prisoner for a while, and while I eventually was brought back physically, it took Team Flash days to get my mind back, too. I almost quit the team altogether. Eventually, the Thinker forced my hand—I’m almost grateful for him, because otherwise, I don’t know what I’d have done with myself. But every person close to me, especially everyone who knew… they were no longer a friend. They were a liability. Savitar shook me, so deeply, that I guess I forgot how to love someone without being afraid for their lives at every waking moment._

_So that takes me to you, I guess. That morning, I realized that what I saw in you… that was perhaps the biggest liability of all. So I pushed myself away. Again. Cisco and Caitlin keep telling me to stop doing that, and you helped me figure out what I think I’ve known all along—that they’re right. I have to let you decide for yourself. Maybe, now that you’re more aware of some of the horrible things that happen to people who get close to me, you’ll decide not to get involved in my shitty life, and that’s fine. It’s probably the smart choice. But I promise that from now on, if you choose to still stick around, I won’t try to make you leave. You and Nora are absolute joys, and I will do everything in my power to keep you safe._

_Again, I truly apologize for how I’ve been acting. I hope this clears things up at least somewhat._

_Barry_

As Iris’s eyes took in the last sentence, she lowered the paper, hands shaking. A cold, cruel darkness seemed to close around her heart. Barry—what he’d gone through was so much worse than Iris had imagined. She pulled out the first page and read the note again. And again. And again, until, before Iris knew it, she was sobbing harder than she had in years.

Finally, Iris checked the clock and realized it was past time to relieve Cisco and Caitlin of babysitting duty. Rising a bit shakily, she gathered her belongings, making certain to keep the note close, and set out for her apartment.

She had a lot to say to Barry when they next met.


End file.
